The Reality of the Situation

I didn’t post last night because I have a lot going on in my personal life and also had a lot of thinking to do. I was thinking about the reality of my situation…baked-goods-going-the-distance

The reality of the situation is…

1. I want to lose weight

2. Most of the bloggers I read that successfully lost weight did something to lose that weight. Some of them counted calories, some of them did weight watchers, some of them cut out certain foods…

It really is ridiculous of me to expect to lose weight without making a good effort or rather, an effort at all! While I believe Intuitive Eating is a great way to steady weight gain or loss and maintain a healthy weight– I am questioning if it is a good way to lose weight.

Example: Kath counted calories to lose weight. Bobbi did WW. Now they mostly follow IE. But – they did not follow IE to actually lose weight. There are many people like this.

Thus far I’ve been using the “cross your fingers and hope the scale goes down” diet; oh and claim it’s intuitive eating. But, for some reason it’s not working??? Damn it. I want my money back!

3. Putting hard restrictions on my eating just makes me want to binge.

4. Even with no hard restrictions I overeat sugar practically every time.

5. I realize that I am not severely overweight. I realize I could stay at this size and live a normal life, but I wouldn’t be happy. I don’t have a horrible body image right now. I don’t fat talk (if I do it’s seriously joking as in the comic above). I am okay. But – I want to lose a few. Again, I am okay and don’t need positive re-enforcements.

6. The reality of the situation is the first time I ran a marathon I weighed around 157 and I rocked the shit out of it coming in at 4:15. That was my first time and being 10 pounds higher than I’d like to be.

I really want to see what I can do running a marathon at 147 and training hard! I’m 5”6 by the way – I knew you were wondering. monica full mary

So last night I thought about my goals and my obstacles. I wrote everything out and am coming up with some ideas on how I can get healthier and happier without having to count calories or cut out entire food groups.

BUT – I do have to make a bigger effort. I need a plan. And I cannot expect to lose weight without being accountable for what I put in my mouth.

No conclusions have been made yet, but I’m making them soon. Just thought I’d let ya know :)

And finally, the reality of the situation is I am sick of talking about this. So, I will be working on some stuff and making some changes to my diet, but probably won’t be addressing them for a while. I need to figure it out before I spill it on the internet and once again make myself sound like a crazy. Peace.

Shoot – this post was serious. I need a drink! monica with a drink

Hey, I realize I can’t keep this body forever… but I do want to run around topless – I mean in a bikini while I can.HAPPYTIMESI just want to get to a place where I don’t have to hide behind crimped hair  and loads of make-up to feel confident… TAPDANCER


I want to climb mountains, run marathons and eat good food. That is the whole point of this blog. And I realize this blog is no fun if I’m always bitching about my weight (or the weather). So, I’m making changes for the better…stay tuned, or should I say logged in!Yosemite - Half Dome 08-08 062And so the journey continues… Thanks for reading :)


  1. says

    girl, i totally feel you…i’m in the same boat. people look at me and probably don’t think “overweight” but i know that i’m not in the best shape i could be in, and i don’t have the self-confidence to live my life to the fullest. i wouldn’t say i want to WEIGH a certain amount or fit into a certain size, but i want to slim down in a way that makes me firm and strong. i know you have tons of readers, but if you ever want to talk, i’m always here! i’ll keep you accountable if you help keep me accountable :)

  2. says

    Don’t let it get you discouraged! I’ve been struggling with the same dilemma for awhile but I finally realized that I’m okay with where I’m at (scale wise) because I’m really fit. Don’t worry too much about the # and focus more on whether or not you can run or hike or bike without getting winded! :)

  3. says

    I agree with Evan. I really love your blog. I don’t mind if you talk about wanting to lose weight all the time, because I can TOTALLY relate. I have good intentions every morning and then end up sabotaging myself. I’m beginning to get annoyed with myself! Anyway, I hope you find the solution you’re looking for. If only it were a magic pill, eh?

  4. says

    You know what, no one likes to hear it, but slow and steady wins the race. It’s hard but that’s always been the key to my successes, on the scale and in life. I’ve always been most successful when I’ve made small changes and built on them, rather than doing anything drastic. My sister has done Atkin’s a few times and it never works. You just can’t cut out an entire food group. Your body needs carbs. I say, it may take a while, but you’re more likely to get there one baby step at a time instead of by stretching yourself to the max to take fewer but more drastic leaps. Hope that helps. Good luck!

  5. says

    You are/were too cute. In the 80s crimped hair picture you look like the neighbor girl Harriet from Small Wonder who was also in Troop Beverly Hills aka one of my most favorite movies.

    I am in the same boat as you. I feel like I should be happy where I am weight wise, and sometimes I am, but most days I wish I was 10 pounds lighter. I lost 30 lbs a few years ago and for the life of me, I can’t remember how I did it…I mean, I know how I did it, but why did the weight come off then and not now? I don’t want to start eating 100 calorie packs and frozen meals again, but what I’m doing now (calories counting like a maniac and working my tail off at the gym) doesn’t seem to be working.

  6. says

    I love, love, love that photo of you and Rainbow Brite! Too cute.

    I think the trick about intuitive eating is that what feels intuitive is what meshes with your habits. So if you have habits you want to break, ones that aren’t in line with your goals, then you have to do something first to rewire your patterns of behavior. I lost weight through calorie counting (which worked, but it was ultimately not so great for my mental health!), and now that I’m settling into a more intuitive way of eating, the biggest benefit of those counting years are the habits I formed (I don’t snack between my (many) meals, etc).

    I’m looking forward to reading about your progress, because I think you’ve got the right idea. Setting strict rules DOES lead to that all-or-nothing mentality, and denying yourself something is going to make it all the more desirable. But if you have the gumption to train for a marathon, I know your other goals are well within your reach!

  7. April says

    I read you because you are honest, you are sincere, and you inspire me to not be so hard on myself even when I slip up. I wish you the best on your new perspective!

  8. Christy says

    You could complain about your weight every day on the blog and I would still read it! You’re damn funny, girl! And I think everyone can relate to what you are going through. I truly appreciate how honest you are. I’ve said before, some blogs are more positive but you can tell they are sometimes forced. They leave me wondering what the writers are REALLY thinking. But with you, I feel like you lay it all out there. So props to you!

    Good luck on your new journey. Remember, no one has to be perfect to be inspirational. Keep up the great work! :) TGIF!!!!

  9. Ashley C says

    I agree with everyone else, you’re hilarious and I don’t think that any of us would keep reading if you bummed us out or anything. We all understand and read because you’re funny and honest and because we can relate to you! I still have my own struggles I am trying to work on but reading your blog makes me realize things that I do myself, or helps me identify things that are my problems. Like I realized that I overeat when I’m tired and should just go to bed instead (but its easier said than done and I’m still working on it) So yeah, I’m sure you’re tired of talking about it all the time but don’t feel bad about it because we all have the same things and I really learn alot from you! Your amazing Monica!!

  10. says

    First of all, I want to say that you are amazingly beautiful and just a lovely person.

    Now that’s out of the way, I totally get where you are coming from and I love that you are doing it in a healthy way with a healthy mindset. I’m working to get there myself, but I want to be in a place where my weight does not affect my sense of self worth. It sounds like you are totally there, so go get it mama!

    😀 Love you!

  11. janetha says

    holy crap you were the cutest kid in the entire world. i love those flashback photos!!! and i think this post is good. it is legit. losing weight definitely takes work. my problem is after i lost weight, instead of IE, i went back to my bad habits. so now i am in lose-weight-mode again (with BFL, as you know) and i hope to be an intuitive eater once i am back at my happy weight! thanks for this post!

  12. says

    I’m in the same boat! (as I’m sure many of your readers are) :) It’s really hard to find a balance of not going overboard with restriction AND getting actual results!

    I’m still working on that balance myself, but one book that REALLY helped me was The Raw Food Detox Diet by Natalia Rose. It’s not a strict, raw food diet like it sounds, I promise! It actually doesn’t have you count calories or make you cut out your favorite foods (you can still have cheese, chocolate, wine, etc.) It encourages more of a gradual lifestyle change, and lots of intuitive eating– with only minor restrictions depending on where you are currently at with your eating habits. I can’t even tell you how much it has helped me, and how it will make you look at eating differently! It also makes weight loss pretty simple!

    Good luck figuring out what works best for you! 😀

  13. says

    ((hugs)) you are such a smart chica. balance in anything is so hard! and i love reading your blog because you don’t try and b.s anything. i think you are very real and that it reflects in your words :)

  14. says

    I have been at this intuitive eating thing for three years and five days and am losing weight now. I don’t know how much I will lose but honestly, I feel great where I am. Sometimes, I have to pinch myself because I never thought three years ago that I would get to this place. I thought intuitive eating was a magic pill and it would instantly make it all better. It did make it all better but it wasn’t instant and now, the weight is literally falling off of me without a second thought. It feels like a miracle but I am living proof that you don’t have to “do something” in order to lose weight. I don’t know what you weigh but if your body needs to lose weight, if you really truly tune in and listen, it will.

  15. says

    I think that everyone goes through these periods. Most of us have those annoying creeper 10 pounds that come and go. I always try to keep things in perspective though…I’ll never get to where I want to be unless I accept where I already am. I love my body, regardless of whether my jeans fit tighter 3 weeks ago than they do now (or vice versa). In the grand scheme of things, it just doesn’t matter…and I already know that you know that.

    I respect your decision to keep your play-by-play off of the blog for now. As we talked about last week (or was it at ULTA or in email??), I’ve made some decisions that I’m not willing to set up for scrutiny on the blog. They’re the best decisions for me, and I made them from a place of sanity, and I don’t really care what everyone else thinks about them. I’m just doing it.

  16. says

    I fully support you no matter what you decide to do. From the sounds of it, though, maybe the work isn’t going to be on the outside as much as it is the inside. You’ve got to know what a beautiful, caring, wonderful woman you are no matter what style that gorgeous red hair is in, how much makeup you think you need and whatever silly number the scale says!

  17. says

    Totally sticking around to follow your journey! I have a lot of weight to lose (over 100 lbs) and although I’m comfortable with myself I want to be more healthy for sure. I have lost over 80 lbs in the past, gained some back and am on my way trying to lose again. My focus is on inch loss more than weight but it’s always nice to see the scale move. I haven’t actually looked at the scale in months. To initially lose the 80 lbs I exercised a lot and really watched my portion sizes and what I ate. Oh yea and I did keep a calorie journal but boy that was a pain.

    Now it’s a bit harder to stick to things and food is my biggest downfall. I love to exercise and just started running as you know (not sure if I told you but hubby and I did sign up for the Reggae Marathon 1/2 marathon run/walk for me in Jamaica in Dec.). I have been thinking that for me maybe keeping a food journal again would be good but not be as strict with the writing down the calories, maybe just jot down everything I eat. I dunno!

    You are one of my running inspirations so do know that you make an impact on people’s lives through this blog but I especially like how real and honest you are. That is what makes your blog great!

    Totally love the drink shot, great picture!

  18. Deirdre says

    You will get it figured out. Best of luck finding the right plan that works for you – you will soon be living in some sunny weather and rockin’ a bikini!!!!

  19. says

    I have been spending a lot of time thinking about this as well. I am thinking of having a 30 day challenge on tracking my daily eats on (I’m not going to worry about weighing myself or anything other than tracking.) I think I need to make it a habit. I realize that’s not for everyone but I’m sort of hoping that it helps me out.

    I’m 5’6 too and my goal weight is around the same. Sorry I got so off-track with the 10lbs in 10 weeks challenge thing earlier. I really fell behind with that one. :(

    Anyways I am rambling (I tend to do that!) I just wanted to say that I am with you all the way!!!! You are such an inspiration to me. I hope I can run a marathon one day too.

  20. says

    I’ve recently begun following your blog and I think you are just fabulous the way you are. I can relate to how you’re feeling because I’m trying to make a bigger commitment to becoming more fit. It’s so easy to pass up a workout and make up some excuse but what it all comes down to is trying to keep focus. I wish you all the best on your journey.

  21. says

    I hear ya! I hate counting calories but its the only way I lose weight.
    I need to get back to it, but I hate doing it when I’m marathon training. Hopefully after the marathon I can get back in the habit of doing it, well I’ll force myself to do it. I’ve gained back about 10 of the 20 lbs I lost a couple years ago and I know I can do better.

    Hang in there!

  22. says

    I am doing WW right now and seeing a lot of success with it. It has always been my thought that I will switch to more of an IE approach once I reach my goal weight. Until then, I have too much left to learn about my body and my needs. Plus IE is about giving your body what it needs to stay healthy, and the bigger you are, the more your body will want to eat to maintain… or that’s my thought anyway. So for now, I measure and track and hope that all of those habits become second nature things that I can easily integrate into IE once I reach maintenance.

    For what it’s worth, I think you look great in all of those pics.

  23. says

    It is rough! I started counting calories as a way to lose weight 4 years ago. It not a bad thing because you learn what a portion size is, moderation and have a sense of what you are putting in your mouth. I’ve gone back to counting calories for portion sizes and noticed I was eating way to many spoonfuls of almond butter or eating too much fruit at one time. Now I have to jot down what I eat and if I plan on eating something and it is a lot of calories I’ll have half of it or just forget about it. I use to have such a SWEET tooth and lately all I want is salty items. Very weird.

    Well with calorie counting I started to become obsessed and I told myself this isn’t NORMAL! I would go out with friends and watch them eat because I couldn’t determine what calories I’d be consuming. So I had to find a balance. Luckily I don’t eat out all the time, so I savor my meals out now and just enjoy them! I know once I get back home it is back to normal. I’ve been able to maintain my weight when I stop counting calories and I try to eat intuitively, although it gets out of hand and thats when I do go back to the calories. I feel since I have to write down everything I eat, I’m much more aware of what I’m eating.

    I wish you luck, it is very frustrating but once you find that happy place you’ll know it!

  24. says

    don’t get discouraged! you are totally doing the right thing and facing all your concerns. just that awareness is huge. the right path will come to and it will work. no deprivation, eat healthy most of the time and exercise, in whatever form you choose will do the trick. take your time to re-group. and remember, if the plan you come up with doesn’t work, come up with another one.

  25. says

    What a great post! I think many of us feel the EXACT same way. It’s not easy to lose only 10lbs when you feel like you are a healthy person already, it’s like, how much more can you give up?! WW works for me, but I feel deprived and hungry. It does work. IE does too, but I have no self control and don’t know when to stop. Counting calories leaves me dizzy and anal. I’m sure your goals are great, and you will figure out a will and a way to achieve them!

  26. says

    I definitely relate – I would like to be 15-20 pounds less but I am in marathon training mode (run it in about 3 weeks) so dieting is not going to happen until afterwards. I hope you share when you figure out what you are going to do/what works for you!

  27. says

    I don’t think I could possibly relate anymore to this post. Thank you so much for sharing this! I have been going through the exact same thing with intuitive eating and realizing that its better for maintaining than actually losing weight.

    Btw – awesome marathon time!

  28. says

    I think you are right. Well, of course you are right, it’s your body. I think for me if I really really wanted to lose weight I would have to do something about it. I am not a person who naturally loses weight very easily. But I think that here, in this community, it’s almost frowned upon to want to lose weight – does that make sense? I think the idea the IE will allow you to lose weight because you will only be eating when you need to, but I get it – how do you GET there?

  29. says

    No matter what happens, I think you’re amazing and so much stronger than I am. I’m impressed daily by how healthfully you eat and how mindful you are of your exercise. Keep yo head up lady!

  30. katie says

    I love your blog. One of the reasons that I have gravitated towards your writting is your expereince with your eating disorder. From another woman who continues to deal with both bulimia and binge eating disorder understand your strugle. For me the disorder seems to take on a life of its own when I am feeling stressed out in nearly any way. I feel that I have to make a commitment to not just stay accountable for what I eat but also for how I manage my stress. I think this is an important aspect to consider in order to find and sustain recovery. Good luck .

  31. says

    Thanks for your honesty — your are strong, fast and beautiful no matter your weight, but I understand the urge to want to lose those last few pounds. I’m in a similar place right now. I believe in you Monica, you can do this. Keep blogging/sharing when you need to! Can’t wait to hear about and support you on this journey :)

  32. says

    I feel the same way. I hate to admit it but I feel like a cow most days. I tried counting calories again, but I felt really guilty because people in the blog world are so against it. I had never been obsessed with calories before but this time I was since I was posting pictures of food! So I’m trying the IE thing and while I haven’t gained weight, I also haven’t lost any…
    I don’t know what to do to be perfectly honest. Lie on my blog? That blows! What’s the point of having it if I lie? Guess I have to figure out my situation too!
    Thanks for sharing this. Honestly, I appreciate your honesty. That’s why I like your blog so much :)

  33. Amanda says

    I know how you feel! It really bites, not being able to lose weight. You try and try and eat really healthy food …. and it still doesn’t work! I adore your honesty and all your efforts to just be healthy. Of all the healthy blogs I read: yours is the one I can relate to the best!

  34. says

    Just as normal you’ve given several wonderful facts. Been lurking on the site for a little bit and wished to say thanks to you for making the effort to create it.

  35. Jennie Clarke says

    I don’t have anything brilliant to add… but just wanted you to know that I’m new to your blog, and have really enjoyed reading it. Just please keep us posted on things, because struggle or success… doubt or certainty… you are an inspiration!

  36. says

    Hi! I haven’t yet read the other comments but I wanted to add that yours is one of my favorite blogs because you come across as “real” and someone I would totally get along with in real life. I run, too, and deal with food issues and have waffled back and forth my entire life from teenage years on. I’ve counted calories, points, said to hell with it, tried intuitive eating, etc etc and I always end up at roughly the same weight.
    Anyway, I don’t mind the bitching about the weather or weight because that’s life and that’s stuff I complain about, too. Some of the fitness blogs that I read show a life that seems perfect, without complaint and with no food issues or exercise drama. It’s hard for me to believe that’s true but I prefer “real” life and real issues and cursing and smack talk because I relate–I don’t relate to size tiny with seemingly no issues and life is beautiful, etc etc.
    Do what you need to do but I like reading about how you are really feeling and what is really going on.
    You rock! Seriously!

  37. says

    I totally feel you on this! You seriously took the words right out of my mouth. I recently realized this past week that I want to lose a little weight — not a lot, just 10 pounds or so. I have been on the ‘cross your fingers and hope the scale goes down diet’ too. I am not sure what I am going to do exactly but I know the pounds need to come off in order for me to be at my healthiest. I look forward to reading about how you choose to lose weight. Have a fantastic weekend :)

  38. says

    I love reading your blog. I wanted to say that this post is ringing so true for me also. i began training fro a half marathon March 1, and have been conscious about my eating. recent events in my life have created a lot of stress, and as a result poor eating habits. I look forward to reading more about you through your journey, and just know that there are many of us out there struggling with the same situation! i work out 5 days a week, and can run more than all my friends, except it doesn’t matter because the scale doesn’t reflect this. Sigh, i guess it’s all a matter of how healthy you FEEL and not what the number says.

    Good Luck and keep up updated!

  39. says

    Thanks for this! I’m not happy that you’re struggling obviously, but I’m glad to know that I’m not alone. I am having a very hard time figuring out how and what to eat and how and when to exercise and it’s causing me quite a bit of stress. I had to take a break from blogging because it was just making things worse. I look forward to reading what you’ve figured out when you figure it out.

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