A Fearless Fresh Start

As you may be aware, my blog was down for 2 days.

I cried. Monica is a sissy lala

(Please note the dark chocolate wedges on my desk and lack of hygiene. I am a mess.)

No really, I cried about it. And I don’t cry. The blog is basically my job right now and I have all my little stars tied to it (does anyone else use that analogy? It’s an inside joke.). Monica is losing it

Anyways, after I cried (and scared Ben to death, as he doesn’t see me cry) I picked myself up and decided this was a sign that I needed a fresh start.

I knew I needed to get away from the computer so I went to yoga. I may have thought about my failed blog 98% of the time, but at least I was away from my computer.

Yoga room

Then, I went to my happy place – Trader Joe’s. Seriously, look at that blue sky. I shouldn’t be complaining about crap right now.

Trader Joes

In case you’re having a bad day too, let me share some amazing news with you: Trader Joes now has Peanut Butter Cream Cheese. Yeah, I know – things area already looking up!

Trader Joes Peanut Cream Cheese

And Strawberry Cream Cheese! Sounds like I need to make a PB&J Cream Cheese sandwich asap!


Lunch was boring…


But I’m sharing it because of my favorite Spinach Dip – IMG_7763

I put it on the bread instead of mayo hummus. It has less calories than hummus and is super tasty! Highly recommend.


I fueled up for an afternoon of more crying with a jug of iced coffee and Vitatop. I may have also had some Cheerios, don’t judge I’m in a bad place.


And now for the fresh start… I didn’t run this morning because I was meeting up with a running group this evening!

I’ve taken the last 24 hours to re-examine my goals with running, my career, the blog and auditioning for American Idol.

Okay, not the last one, but I would love to meet Jennifer Lopez. She and I need to make  some big booty babies together even though that’s not how babies are made. I love jennifer lopez


I want to get involved with local runners and local races. I want to finish up my PT certification (more on that soon!). I want to run faster and jump higher and accomplish some big goals this year!

I’ve used my down time from RER to cry organize my training, studying and explore some possible career opportunities. I’m excited for a fresh start Smile

Truth be told, I am very uncomfortable about sharing my goals here because I fear failure. I didn’t announce my goal to do a sub 4hour marathon before Long Beach because I would be embarrassed if I didn’t make it. Well, we all know I missed it by 4 minutes, but I wasn’t embarrassed and no one ridiculed me for coming up short.

I am going to add a new Resolution for 2011 now – Be Fearless.

I need to own my goals and be proud that I’m shooting for the stars. I’m going to be announcing my 2011 goals very soon. I am going to be fearless about it. The only thing standing in the way of my goals is ME.

Monica cries. At least one time.

But for now I’m not sleeping until RER is back up and RUNNING (pun intended).www.nataliedee.com

Before my entire life crashed before my eyes I did the accent vlog. Here’s the link in case you missed me rambling on for 7 1/2 minutes – about 4 minutes long than everyone else.


  1. says

    oooohh, i feel your pain and frustration with the blog issues, monica!! but the silver lining, i guess, is the time you got to think/plan/strategize your 2011 goals! looking forward to hearing about them!
    “be fearless” – love it!
    peanut butter cream cheese??? man, that sounds awesome!!
    here’s to things looking up for you today!

  2. says

    Oh man, I’m sorry the last few days were so stressful for you. I suppose life wouldn’t be life without a few bumps in the road, but they certainly aren’t any fun.

    I’m so very glad Run, Eat, Repeat is back in business.

  3. says

    Im so glad your blog is back! What happened, I hope whatever happened it does not happen again : p I would of cried too!

    omg that cream cheese sounds amazing! I hate seeing new amazing trader joes stuff because I do not have one here! lol!

    I am excited to see your goals, I thing its great to have goals, even if you dont accomplish them all , the point is, you tried! xo

  4. caw says

    Welcome back! My online running log went down for about three days and I cried – my husband thought I had lost my mind. So I cannot imagine a whole blog!

    Looking forward to your goals – put them out into the universe and go for it! Good luck!

  5. D says

    Yay, glad your blog is back! I must have checked it about fifty times.

    I have a request (maybe you already discussed this in detail but I don’t think so…) for you to talk about/answer! :)

    How do you feel after switching back to meat? I know that you’ve said that protein/fats are keeping you much fuller and preventing the sugar highs/crashes and so on, but how do you feel about it emotionally? Is it weird after all this time or do you feel like it’s a natural progression as you figure out more about IE? Do you automatically still reach for veggie proteins or do you happily choose meat first? Does it feel like as big a deal as you thought?

    Sorry for bombarding you with questions…I’d just love to hear more about how you *feel* about the switch back to meat (your guest post on Meals and Moves made me think to ask) and not just in terms of physical fullness or satiety.

    • says

      I am definitely having an inner battle with eating meat again. My views on meat have always been that I think it is ethically “okay” to eat animals if they are treated and killed humanely.
      Since I am educated on the factory farming system in the US, it’s a big struggle for me to figure out what I should do. On one hand I want to do what is best for my body – which right now seems to be eat chicken and turkey. But, I also want to do the “right” thing in NOT supporting factory farms.

      If Ben and I owned a farm and he killed the chicken and I gathered eggs – I would feel a lot better about it. But, buying poultry at the grocery store has me torn on the issue :(

      I still gravitate toward veggie protein or fish. When we recently went to a Mexican restaurant I thought, “There is nothing here I can eat.” Finally I ordered fried fish tacos. It never even occurred to me to order grilled chicken!

      I do feel like “allowing” all foods is helping me get past the final step of Intuitive Eating. After I am a true intuitive eater I may take poultry back out of my diet. But for right now I think it’s helping me be 100% mindful of my hunger and fullness and satiation.

      Hope this helps :)

  6. says

    Can’t wait to hear more about your goals and I love the motto – be fearless.

    I am held back a lot by fear – something I definitely need to focus on and step outside my comfort zone more often.

    Glad the blog is back – I missed reading!

  7. says

    Ugh my blog was down for 3 days when we switched servers! I cried too. It was horrible. I feel your pain.

    PB CREAM CHEESE? Holy sheeeeeet. I need to go to Trader Joe’s after teaching class today. You just made my day.

  8. says

    Wow dude that sucks, sorry to hear about it.

    On the bright side, you still have you readership following so it’s not like you are losing anything that generates your income.

    I understand the content issues, but they can be resolved to some degree. The most “important stuff” I’m sure you can find cached, ya know?

    Good luck!

  9. says

    I feel your pain, sister. CNC was down for almost a week back in May. I lost it about 10 times! Lots of crying.

    SO GLAD you’re back!!!

  10. Danielle E. says

    Great post and I was going through RER withdrawls while you were gone, no really! 😉

    I am tempted to drive to TJ’s in my pajamas this morning to get those cream cheeses, OMFG DO WANT!!!

    I know what you mean by owning your goals, I felt dumb for having a time goal for my first marathon. Then when I missed it by 3 minutes I was embarrassed to tell people around me (non-runners) that I was disappointed by that, I think I was owning THEIR feelings by minimizing my own. Does that make any sense? IDK. It’s too early, back to the coffee for me, but glad you are back. :)

  11. says

    Sorry about the bloggy problems – that is definitely never fun! (plus I’m terrible with all that tech stuff – so I just FREAK OUT, and then have no plan of attack!) – but good news – you are popular! 😉 Also – thanks for the tip on the TJ’s dip, I haven’t had that one so I’ll have to snag it next time I go!

  12. says

    It should be reassuring that you were missed while your blog was down! But still, technology problems that are out of our control are the worst. I would have cried, too. Excited for you to tackle your goals and be fearless. I know I can relate to that in my life right now as well!

  13. says

    GIRL! SO GLAD YOU ARE BACK! Your goals MOTIVATE ME. So whether you meet them or not, is really not the point. Isn’t the quote “Reach for the stars so if you fall, you land on the clouds…” You get farther when you set goals, and when you make the public, you get accountability and encouragement.

  14. Ella says

    woohoo congrats on the new goal – i like that one!
    good luck with the PT – i have a lot of friends who are in their 3rd year of PT school and its soooo much work but worth it in the end (:

    …pb cream cheese?! why isn’t my college closer to a trader joes….

  15. says

    I am so glad you’re back – and this blog is 100% win! I, too, fear failure and the (self conceived) judgement that comes along with it so I hesitate to ever tell anyone my goals. Living fearless sounds so freaking awesome it’s making me feel less fearless already!! I think you just managed to sweep away my anxiety over my first yoga class tonight.

  16. says

    Glad you are up and running again. Isn’t it frustrating? That’s happened to me a few times with my blog and I felt so helpless and angry! It’s frustrating when you can’t FIX something!

  17. says

    Poor Monica :(.
    I’m excited about your fearless fresh start. What does it matter if you fail, really? What matters is that you try and that you don’t let fear hold you back. (Maybe I need to listen to my own advice a little more often, too.)

  18. says

    I saw your tweets last night and actually thought you were done blogging- I almost cried. I’m glad you are back and your blog is back and working!:)
    Happy thursday!

  19. Ashley says

    I doubt this makes you feel any better, but I cried yesterday too – after I found out TJ’s discontinued peanut flour :( My husband was like, “That’s your entire problem? Really, you’re serious?”

  20. says

    Hi Monica :) So glad you’re back. This post really resonated with me because I’ve allowed both my weight and fear get in the way of accomplishing many goals and living the quality of life I know I deserve. I can sense your excitement on embarking on your new adventures fearlessly and it inspires me greatly to move foward fearlessly s well. You’re awesome, chica.

  21. says

    As much as it stinks that your blog was down, alas whenever the internet is down for me I do a FREAK OUT moment too, I would have cried as well. But at least you are back on track and doing a ‘fresh start’ Your new goal of being fearless is inspiring! get it girl!!

  22. Megan says

    Missed you!!! Loved the way you went to yoga even though you thought about it..i’m sure you felt much better after stepping away from the comp.

  23. says

    #1 – I am SO glad your blog is back!! It was tough enough being sick, but being sick with no entertainment via RER was even worse!

    #2 – I can’t wait to hear your goals!! Do I get a sneak peak? Call me, you know I’m nosey and impatient. 😉

    #3 – I love, Love, LOVE that picture you have framed on your desk! “I used to run with Doubt..” Is that just an ad you found somewhere or a poster/picture I can order?? For real – I want.

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