1. I want a really greasy burger joint to sponsor me for a race. Then, I’ll wear their logo with a big ol’ burger on my shirt (which I find funny for some reason?) and get free fries after. The fries seal the deal obviously.
2. Why is tissue so much better than toilet paper? My nose knows.
3. Yep, I officially have a unibrow.
4. I shouldn’t buy a watermelon, they’re out of season… (thought as I put it in my cart)
5. How am I going to get Cindy back for playing that joke on me. Whore.
(She texted me and told me she got a message for me to call this number ASAP! She works at a hospital and said a contact got a hold of her about my account. 603-413-4127 call it, you know you want to)