What the Duck

This morning I woke up dreading the run I was supposed to do – 1 mile repeats. I’ve been avoiding these at all costs.

I have a ton of great excuses I’ve thought up too… “it’s 202 degrees… I don’t have a flat 1 mile stretch I can do them… My body is strictly opposed to going fast…”

But, I feel like I’m getting slower lately – partly because I haven’t been racing or training hard – so I knew I should at least do a few 800s.

As expected, my legs felt tired and I was not speedy at all. I ran 1 mile out to my usual .5 mile stretch and did one 800. Then, I gave myself a minute of rest and did another one.

You are not going to believe what happened on my second 800…

I almost died! And not because I ran so super sonic fast that my body couldn’t handle it:

runner down

As I was running a lady was standing on the path right in my way looking at something. We smiled at each other and I ran past her. I thought maybe she was talking to another lady who was in her backyard right there filling up a bird feeder.

I ran past them and the houses that were on my left. Suddenly something hit me on the head and bounced off toward my right.

What the hell?!

Did the bird feeder lady just throw something at me?! Is shit about to go down?!

I glance over my right shoulder where the object is flying off and it’s a freaking duck. A DUCK FLEW INTO MY HEAD ON MY RUN.

Truth be told, I screamed, “AHHHH?!?!” When I realized it was a duck, mostly because I figured it pooped on me during the hit and run.

The lady in her backyard made a funny shocked noise and started laughing.

I laughed and kept running. Stupid bird.

Now for the rest of my life I will look at every duck suspiciously wondering if they were the asshole that ran into my head.

Although, I do kinda love that I have a weird running story to tell now. It will grow into a tale where I almost got killed by a rabid duck and end with,

“And that’s the day I started to hate ducks. The end.”


  1. says

    That. is. amazing. I got attacked by a bird at an outlet mall once (same thing, just walking and it bombed my head) and I’ve never been the same since. I guess speed work really does kill.

  2. Bethany says

    Oh my gosh I am laughing so hard. I shouldn’t have read this at work!! I’m glad you didn’t get work! I think it’s a sign that you shouldn’t do speed work! :)

  3. Sharly says

    Anyone remember the Seinfeld episode? “Never saw a bird into a woman’s head”… it’s about Elaine having a big head… :) Not that that’s your problem, Monica!!! Too funny – I’m glad you’re okay…and a little glad the duck is too :)

    Take care!!

    • LiseyB says

      Ha ha! I thought of that right away! A pigeon hit Elaine on her “giant freak head”…..still makes me laugh.

      That was one low flying duck!

      Thanks for the laugh Monica :)

    • Angela says

      Ever since I laughed out loud at your story earlier today, a song from my childhood has been stuck in my head. I have a feeling that the “macho duck” was in your neighborhood this morning! (listen to about 42 seconds for the chorus.) 😀 Good times. Good times.

  4. says

    Oh my god! I am legit scared of ducks. Everyone tells me that’s silly! Now I have another story to add to my arsenal of crazy as duck stories!

  5. Sarah says

    That is hysterical!

    So I guess we know what you’ll be having for dinner tonight! Roast duck is great with a fresh cherry sauce, and in season too!

  6. Jenny says

    This happened to me recently too! In the course of two weeks I got attacked two times by the same bird on my normal running path. I had to switch it up and run a different way for the next month, and now my heart still races when I hear the birds up in the trees.

  7. Shannon B. says

    Thanks for the laugh…at your expense! I’ve never felt threatened by a duck…now geese different story, but duck? Not until now!

  8. Heather says

    I was totally attached by geese once on a run – did you know they get PISSED when you run past their baby geese??

    Birds are the worst.

  9. says

    hahahahaha! Those damn feathered beasts.

    About a month ago, I got chased down the street by a very angry mama turkey while running. I live in Boston. That bird scared the shit out of me! She ran out of a hedge with her baby trailing behind here and chased me across the street!

    They are not our feathered friends for sure! :)

  10. Jessica says

    So I’ve been reading your blog for quite some time now and have never commented on it. However, this blog made me LOL–literally!!! That is the most hilarious thing I’ve ever heard/read!!!

  11. says

    That’s funny! But, makes for a great story. I can’t say I’ve ever had a run in with a duck. Geese on the other hand…those things are vicious.

  12. Amanda says

    OMG how hilarious/really freaky! Once I was running on a pretty busy road and a school bus was coming towards me. One of the kids must have chucked a pencil out the window because it hit me right in the face! I was totally stunned and wished I could punk that jerk!

  13. says

    Glad you’re ok! Ducks are evil, I know this to be a fact. Long running joke with me and my sister, “the ducks did it” can be my excuse for anything. When I was little and trying to be potty trained I wet my pants and my Mom asked me if I went potty and I told her, “No, the ducks did it” So that is my story and I am sticking to it, those ducks are trouble!

  14. Brandy says

    very funny. and odd.

    So about the speedwork – I hate it too. But, 1 minute rest for an 800 is not very much. Have you thought about giving yourself more rest? Maybe equal to the time you run the 800 in? That helps me a lot – I can fully recover and “Forget” how much the first one sucked and then maybe try again. Also, I really stink at pacing so I always run them too fast and pretty much want to throw up at the end anyway. I have “normal” pace and “ballstothewall” pace. Heh.

  15. Ida says

    crazy kamikaze duck!
    speed work works, keep at it. Maybe you need to slow down your interval pace or increase your rest. it’s supposed to be uncomfortable, not torture.

  16. says

    OMG! I wish you would have gotten a picture of the duck! I’m curious as to how big it is.

    Nothing too crazy has ever happened to me. Once I slipped on loose gravel and did a really cool roll and popped back up on my feet without even realizing what was happening…but that’s as crazy as it gets.

  17. says

    This reminded me of the time when I was running and got pooped on TWICE by two different birds, it landed on my hair, boob, and arm. So gross!

  18. Pam says

    very funny!! :) I knew this post was going to be good when I saw the title! :) ducks also mean good luck sooo…maybe being nailed in the head by one means that Publisher’s Clearing house will be knocking on your door manana! :) xo

  19. says

    That’s pretty funny! How often life will we have the chance to get hit in the head with a duck. The weather has been crazy hot here in So Cal. I have struggling myself with running period!

  20. says

    Oh my gosh! That is crazy! I can’t believe that happened!!!
    After an experience like that I think I would be watching the sky on every run and duck and cover! no pun intended lol

  21. says

    Haha! I cant believe you ran into a duck! And notice i said you ran into the duck, not that it accidentally flew into you. Lol! Glad you’re ok tho, they can do some damage!

  22. says

    I’m sorry for your duck attack, but it made me laugh SO hard and I needed that laugh. :) You’re lucky it wasn’t a goose, they are mean! They chase and bite!

  23. Shay says

    That is so funny! I run on a path with a lot of deer. They are so used to people that they really don’t move off the path when your approach them. Well the other day, I was running on the path and just ahead of me was a momma deer and a baby deer nursing!!!!! They did not move and did not stop!!!

  24. says

    That is a great story! My husband has one of these stories about a dolphin. First it was a dolphin charging his kayak, then later it turned into the dolphin running into the kayak, and then it turned to the dolphin charging at him and jumping over him. lol.

  25. says

    Hahaha! What a coincidence! At least you didn’t get pooped on. On the other hand, I’ve heard it’s good luck to be pooped on the head by a bird. Or maybe that’s what my mom just told me when it happened to her. I don’t know.

  26. Charliss says

    My husband (then BF) and I were travelling in Italy, standing under an awning to get out of the rain, when an incoming pigeon smacked right into his forehead. It was like watching something in slow motion. I laughed for the next 2 weeks straight (well, more like 4 years…I’m still laughing about it!)

  27. says

    Oh my gosh! Glad you’re OK. I had to show this to my bf. He goes running in the zoo near our house and complains that the birds are out to get him and always dive bomb him. He was laughing at your story as he could totally connect.

  28. Marcy says

    better than a damn goose. they are so evil and stubborn. if it had been a goose it probably would have bit you and crapped on you.

  29. says

    Where I live, red-winged black birds attack runners between May and August of every year. So I’m used to being smoked in the head by birds when I’m running, but it takes me off guard still every time. Now every time I see something move out of the corner of my eye while I’m running, I instinctively cover my head, though.

  30. Denise P. says

    I’ve been getting in minimal runs because of this heat. (It hasn’t dropped below 100 in the inland valley for weeks.)

    Your Ahhh after the fact reminds me of an experience I had a few months back. I was running near my work and I saw something off to the side in a planter. It didn’t register right away but when I turned back I knew for sure it was a dead raccoon face down. I screamed and literally as I turned back ahead I see another dead one but with the scariest face ever starring right back at me. It was like he froze in mid-hiss with his paws/claws all up and everything.

  31. Sheila says

    And here all this time I have been worry about skunks, racoons and deer. I laughed out loud at this! (lucky nobody is home!)

    I live in the midwest and come across many critters, but have never been hit by one. Almost had a squirrel jump onto the handlebars of my bike once, though! Oh, and got greeted by a horse once!

    Have been following you for quite a while now and got a little behind. Catching up today. Love your blog!!

  32. Christine Gresko Kurz says

    OMG, I thought I could be the only one hit by a duck. My husband and I were at Disney Animal Kingdom in Orlando last week. I was walking along minding my own business amongst hundreds of other people and got hit on the left side of my head by a freaking duck!!! My first reaction was “what the *uck”. It felt like I got hit by a wet mop. The duck fell on the ground to my right and looked as stunned as I felt. One woman behind me gave a chuckle, but no one else amongst the crowd even said boo. By this time, I couldn’t stop laughing and ran up ahead to tell my husba as he didn’t witness this craziness. And the first words out of his mouth? Geez, I can’t believe I missed a great photo!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *