Stop the Fat Talk or no one will be your friend

I am packing for my travels, but someone is not being cooperative. FTR – I just put Vegas on RER so much because he bugs me a lot but I’d rather he was a dog. Or a live in masseuse.

image thumb16 Stop the Fat Talk or no one will be your friend

Tomorrow morning I am headed to San Francisco for a day long round table about a new weight loss prescription pill (not for me to take, only for my thoughts). Not sure how much I can share about it – but I’ll share what I can later.

From SF I’m headed to NYC for a Whole Foods event.

Then, I come home Thursday. Aaand head to Los Olivos Friday night for the 30 mile race Saturday morning. I’m super stressed because everything is timed so closely I hope there are no travel mishaps. But I’m going to just try and go with the flow and not worry about things I can’t control. <- Pray.

Wish me luck!

Fat Talk Talk

Stop saying you’re fat!

fat kid run it off thumb Stop the Fat Talk or no one will be your friend

I am not the girl who complains she looks fat to other people because I actually used to be fat. It used to make me uncomfortable when my high school friends would complain about their (cute little) bodies. I mean, if they’re thinking those things about themselves – what must they be thinking about me?!

At the same time, I don’t mind the word “fat”. I’ve been called worse things and I kinda like it as an adjective in general.

But, this article says No One Likes a Fat Talker

So whether you are fat or skinny or bloated or ate a whole pizza or shrunk your jeans – DON’T say mean things about yourself. It doesn’t help you feel better or make the people around you think highly of you.

I know it’s hard. We all have bad days. But the next time you feel gross, put something on that makes you feel good, call your best friend and put on some Amy Schumer jokes.

Please: Say something nice about yourself (even if it’s in your head) right now!

Thoughts?

Comments

  1. says

    I was a fat kid myself and I still am guilty of calling myself fat even with being a lot thinner. I guess the state of mind never really left me?

    But, I LOVE my hair. I think it’s fabulous & unique. I love being the few blessed with true red hair. :)

  2. Phil York says

    I have been over weight my whole life (except for 3 short years as a teen). I have recently lost 60 pounds, but I still have about 25 to go. I honestly admit that it is very difficult to change my perception of myself. People tell me how great I look, and I say “thanks but I still have a ways to go.” It is so difficult to change 30 plus years of mental perception. I will definitely work on it.

  3. says

    I just did my own post on where I’ve come over the last 26 years because I realized that was the first diet I did. I was 8! How ridiculous is that? But my point was really to show myself not just my physical progression but the mental power I’ve gained over the years. Do I always feel my best, no but i feel better on my worst day now than I did 30 or almost 40 lbs heavier!

  4. says

    I still deal with this a bit – even though I’m pretty athletic, I still have some fluff with my buff. However, I try not to say much otherwise I get eye rolls. :)

    Something awesome: I have gorgeous eyes and eyelashes, I always get compliments. They make me happy!

  5. says

    OMG! I know what you mean about those girls who would say they’re fat when they’re actually not. It annoys me so much. Some girls say it sometimes because they just you to say they’re not fat. Ugh!

  6. says

    I use the word fatkid a lot to describe myself as a joke and mostly only with my family. It’s what I was growing up—the chubbier of the three kids and today it remains as a joke. My Mom and Sister get upset sometimes when I use it and will tell me to stop. My boyfriend despises it. I have to make sure that I use it around the right people who get the joke and know that I am making fun of my younger baby fat days, because quite frankly it can be offensive and upsetting to many people—and rightly so.

  7. says

    I actually tried yoga for the first time EVER this past week. I am an avid fitness junkie- but really go for the high impact stuff. After experiencing hot yoga, I have actually come out of class with a positive feeling on just how awesome my body is for letting me just MOVE!! :)

  8. Allie says

    I was an overweight kid, and was guilty of fat talk for many years (even though I’m now at a healthy weight and have been for years). One day, my husband got really mad at me about it. He was like, “stop it! You’re not fat! No one *thinks* you’re fat. So just stop!”. That was the “aha” moment where I finally realized how my negative self talk was affect other people, too, not just me.

  9. says

    LOVE THIS POST! I definitely have the whole fat talk going all the time. It is hard to change that kind of habit, especially it’s all the thoughts in my head that have been going on since I was in middle school.
    I know that feeling about people with cute little bodies complaining about being “fat”. :P

  10. says

    love it! I used to be a bit chubby and think to myself ‘If only I could get down to xxkg I would be so happy and skinny.’ Once I did reach that weight I found myself still having fat days and complaining to people about my weight – talk about annoying! My boyfriend told me to just shut up one day which was a good wake up call, we should be thankful for the bodies that we have worked hard to get!!!

  11. LT says

    I love this post. I’ve never been a Fat Talker myself, but it always makes me sad to hear people talk so negatively about themselves, whether it’s about their weight, their skin, their nose, etc. Oftentimes, it just draws attention to something that others wouldn’t even notice in the first place; yes, I might notice that you’re a little overweight, but that is a split second thought and then I’m thinking about what’s in my Hulu queue or whether I have enough milk for my next breakfast. Focus on the good stuff, both about you and around you!

  12. says

    I was an overweight kid too, and it’s took me the last (nearly) 20 years to start being nice to myself. But I definitely think that having a positive attitude about yourself changes the way others see you and respond to you!

    Good Luck with your busy week Monica : D

  13. says

    Here is the thing, though: I AM FAT. Why does calling yourself fat make people so uncomfortable? Why is fat equated with bad and skinny equated with good? I am 235 pounds right now, and girl, I AM FAT. I’m becoming less fat, but that is because I was concerned about my health. Even if I lose more weight, I will always probably be a little bit fat, just like Bridget Jones. And I wish people would stop getting so uncomfortable when I call myself what I am. Fat doesn’t always equal bad, dirty, unhealthy, unlovable, or failure. It just means the person is fat. And I am okay with that, because I am freaking awesome.

    • Tara says

      But see, you have that positive self esteem that I think alot of people to call themselves/see themselves as Fat, do not have.

    • Tracy says

      This really got me thinking. I know the word “fat” makes people uncomfortable, and it probably does so because it can be associated with other negative things, some you mentioned. But skinny can be associated with so many negative things, too. …drug addict, dirty, unhealthy, the list goes on (a lot of the same negative words describe both, interesting). I guess it’s just society. But we should focus and encourage health. You may be fat, but you are working to be healthier. And even if you are always a little fat, you can still be just as healthy as the next person. Thanks for making me think about that.

      • says

        True, “skinny” can be associated with those things, but is that the prevailing thought? This entire post frames “fat” as negative. No one says “skinny” as negative. People take it as a compliment when someone tells them they “so skinny!” Now, calling someone “skeletal” or “emaciated” or telling them to “eat something, GAWD”, those are rude. But the prevailing thoughts of mainstream society is fat = bad, skinny = good.

        • Tracy says

          Oh, I totally agree with you. I’m just saying that you made me think of it in a way I really, honestly hadn’t before. Your comment really highlights how society skews things.

        • Bethany says

          As someone married to a man who is tall and was skinny growing up, “skinny” makes him cringe when people now say he is skinny after packing on 30+lbs of muscle (150 to 180 at 6’3″). So skinny can still have the same negative connotations in society, especially when I see those pinterest posts that have a buff woman saying “strong is better than skinny”. It’s still the message that one body type is better than the other. It drives me crazy whether we are talking down fat, skinny, oval, square, pear, apple, shaped bodies to exhort another body shape over it. Let’s get over what those bodies look like, fat, slender, skinny, or otherwise and praise them for what they can do.

    • SRoberts says

      this is interesting. I guess my thoughts are that no matter How you spin it– being fat IS bad for your health. It just is. Im sure plenty of pple will jump all over this comment and go ahead but Im in the medical field and its plain and simple- being fat is bad. Period. You can say you can be healthy and fat but that is not the honest truth. Im not going to split hairs- obviously skinny doesnt equal health and blah blah and you can be overweight and “healthier” than a skinny person but again- that is not the point. No one should embrace being overweight, there is a difference between having good self esteem and being honest with yourself. Always strive for health. Good luck on your weight loss journey- I know its tough.

      • says

        *sigh* I knew it was only a matter of time before someone said that. Here we go: being massively, morbidly obese is bad for your health. Being 5, 10, even 20 pounds overweight? Not horribly unhealthy. I never claimed that being fat is being healthy, hence why I am trying to get my ass to shrink down to maybe 150-175 pounds instead of the 275 I used to be. But I also have high cholesterol, a family history of heart disease, etc. There are plenty of fat people out there who do not have those issues and are perfectly happy with their fatness.

        You say “No one should embrace being overweight.” Wow. I just… no. We should embrace our bodies as they are, and if we don’t like it, work to change it. My body might be perfectly happy at being overweight. I may hit 175 pounds and still be overweight, but feel fantastic, have my cholesterol be normal, and get a clean bill of health from my doctor. Some people are just bigger. Again, is massive morbid obesity natural? Nope. But to be “a little bit fat” because hey, you like cake at times, or sometimes you’d rather sleep in than work out? There is nothing wrong with that and I will not judge someone who chooses that, just like I don’t give a crap if someone wants to get up at 4am to run 10 miles. Their body, their choice, and none of my beeswax.

        Holy crap, this got long.

      • Bethany says

        “Always strive for health”. This we can agree on. And I would say that yes, this in certain situations involves losing fat…not necessarily weight. I think there needs to be this distinction especially when dealing with someone who has disordered eating and dangerous weight loss. You have Olympic female athletes weighing 200lbs+ who are strong, healthy women (http://prettystrongblog.blogspot.com/). BMI is only one view of “health” and these women would be considered overweight and even obese. The number on the scale, the BMI number is not the final say in what is healthy or not. Is it an indicator, perhaps, but that number has had a history of making literally millions of people became overweight and obese overnight when the ranges were changed by the NIH in 1998. Let’s talk about some real numbers that have a better indication of health, like fat%, cholesterol levels, blood sugar levels, the number of hours of sleep they are getting, the servings of fruits/vegetables they are eating, the amount of time they are active with elevated heart rates, etc. Are they happy, are they moving, are they eating right, are they not sick? If so, then why worry about a number on the scale?

  14. says

    I know I am by no means overweight but I certainly have those moments where I feel “fat” when trying to get dressed. Since my mind knows I am thin, I often tell myself the following when I am trying to get dressed and don’t like how I look, “You are crazy, you are thin, you may think you look fat in this outfit but no one else would think so. You look great you crazy person!”…and I put my shoes on and leave the house.

  15. says

    Please let the fat talk stop!! People need to be pro active rather than whiny if they truly think they are fat! Maybe it’s my hardcore fitness instructor persona, but “ain’t no body got time for” petty complaints!

  16. says

    This is a great post and thanks for talking about this. I am not a skinny person but I have also never been “fat”, just a healthy size. I have struggled with body image since I was very small, if I think about how old I was, I was probably around the 8 or 9 yr old age. In the last year, I have really been focusing on just being happy with what size I am and constantly saying positive things to myself (even when I don’t believe them) instead of just looking at myself and saying “ugh, you are fat”. I can’t believe how much better I feel about myself with just doing that.

  17. says

    I completely agree.

    I’ve just written a post about how my attitudes towards food and my body have changed. I used to be that annoying person that complained and said I was fat.

    That was until my sister snapped me out of it by telling me I was being boring! Sometimes it’s good to have someone be so honest with you!

  18. Liz says

    I agree that it’s important to try to keep negative thoughts about my body to myself – it’s hard, but I think it’s a way to start gaining confidence. Whenever I want to say something, I think “is this something I would say to my daughter?” If not, I keep my mouth shut!

  19. Julie says

    I needed to read this today! While I’m not in the best shape and don’t eat healthy 100% of the time, I’ve really started to feel “fat.” I’m currently recovering from surgery (tendon repair) and have been feeling sorry for myself and indulging in whatever foods I find comforting (like sending my husband out last night to DQ for blizzards). This reminds me that I made a promise to myself to eat healthy while I’m recovering, and I haven’t kept that promise. Time to not feel sorry for myself anymore and keep my health in mind. Thanks!

  20. says

    It drives me crazy when people bash themselves. I understand everyone has their insecurities but its so frustrating to hear people complain. I try really really reallllyyyyy hard to not say anything negative about my body. After constantly focusing on my best assests its harder to care about the faults.

  21. says

    If for no other reason everyone should stop the fat talk because research shows that they are less liked by peers. That probably feeds into the whole insecurity thing and then we’re left with a perpetual cycle of feeling fat (expressing this sentiment to others), and consequently no one liking us. Positive self-talk is the way to go.

  22. says

    I use/used “fat” preemptively. I’ve been called fat to my face by my peers since at least 4th grade (and earlier by my sister) so I always tried to get there first as a “you’re not hurting my feelings because I already think this about myself.” I prefer to wrap my insecurities up in a blanket of self-deprecating humor. And there’s something positive! I have a decent sense of humor.

  23. ashlee says

    Hey Great Post. As a kid, I wasn’t really fat, but defiantly a little chunky. I was told by adults around me, that I was heavy or if they decided to be nice big boned. When I had my daughter, I decided there would be no more fat talk. I grew out of this chunky phase, but I still see myself as that girl with big legs, etc. etc. It’s hard, but for my daughter I will do it. I refuse to let her develop the body image I have. Thanks for this post!

  24. Sarah MomRunningonEmpty says

    As a former fat kid, I have a whole lot of experience talking poorly about myself and feeling even worse about my body. The biggest change I made in my weight loss journey (almost 70 pounds) was treating myself the way other treated me! I stopped saying awful things and soon enough I started to believe I was worthy of the efforts I was making. Now it just makes me sad to hear others talk about themselves without any regard for how fabulous they really are, and judge themselves solely on their weight. It makes me hope they find some inspiration to work towards their best them!!

  25. says

    30 miles – you are awesome! Good luck!
    I admit that I also am guilty of the fat talk. Mostly to myself when I am standing in front of a mirror. But as someone who has also been overweight, it’s hard to let go of that mentality, even though I’m trying!

  26. melisa says

    grrr. guilty as charged. When I’m running and my legs feel heavy and I feel like I’m dragging, I yell at myself “Pick up your feet fatty”. So bad. I know. New reader btw. I love your blog.

  27. Annie says

    I know exactly how you feel with listening to your skinny friends say they’re fat….my old roommates wore a 2 or 4 while I wore a 10 or 12….ain’t nobody got time for that!

    When I have a fatisode, I try and say “I feel fat today.” and recognize that I’m not actually fat and the feeling will pass…sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. As always, a work in progress!

  28. says

    Love this post! I was a fat kid & even at 55, it comes back in the mirror at times… My whole Under Armour campaign is bout your last sentence it you want to read my post tomorrow. :)

    Good luck!

  29. says

    It is super hard to avoid the fat talk when you’re having a bad day, but its a good point, nobody wants to hear it. Can relate to the comments above, I was a fat kid my whole life and lost 60 pounds a couple of years ago. Its really tough to leave that fat kid mentality behind. Am I perfect? No. Am I a heck of a lot stronger and healthier than I ever was in my younger days? Hell yes!

  30. Tara says

    I could not agree more! My sisier and I really try to be positive about food, body images and self respect to ensure my 7 yr old niece does not have a bad body/food image.

    And I know you are reallly good friends with Skinnyrunner, but I stopped reading her blog becuase I could not stand that she often calls herself fat, or that her thighs are so big.

  31. Anne says

    My sentiments exactly!! All my friends are smaller than me and although I am guilty as a FatTalker within my own home (mostly to myself and my BF) I tend to just roll my eyes at them and deny their claims. While wondering what they must think of me…

    Good luck on the Ultra!! You are a rockstar!

    Thanks for this post!

  32. says

    Growing up, using the word “fat” to describe a person was a punishable offense in our house. I remember the one time I did use it to get a rise out of my mom – and it was not a good feeling. She was at that time overweight and I saw how much I hurt her feelings. She never used that word about herself or others. Now that I have children of my own, I try not to use that word, even when describing myself. I want them to not only grow up with a healthy body image for themselves, but also not judge someone by their size.

  33. says

    I think a “good thing” about myself is that I try to be mostly positive and I always want to “do for other people” and to make them feel special.

  34. jodea @ chillichocolatelove.com says

    There seems to be a need to put ourselves down in front of each other. I don’t do it and always accept a compliment gracefully.

  35. says

    I love this.
    My positive thought – I love the fact that I have big strong legs so I can do the things I enjoy!!
    Good luck with your meetings!

  36. says

    I totally agree! It’s the best way to take lovely girl chat and make it the most awkward thing ever. I happen to be the only one of my friends thats very into fitness (which is why I stalk so many fit blogs) so when people complain about being fat I just don’t know how to respond because theres no good way!

  37. Christopher says

    Thank you! I do this too often when talking to friends, but I love Amy Schumer!!
    Good luck this week young lady.

  38. Sarah G. says

    I don’t think I am a fat-talker, but in my office I am known as the “healthy one” and it’s not really a compliment. I watch what I eat very closely, I track my calories, etc. Yes, I used to be fat, and so I try really hard to avoid going back there (down almost 30 lbs from 2.5 yrs ago!) But on days like today when there was a surprise baby shower for one of my coworkers and I chose not to partake in the giant cupcake tray there, I got burned at the stake for it. I think it’s hard for people who watch their weight/diet/figure/whatever to not talk about ourselves positively because we sound cocky but not fat-talk either because then we’re being martyrs. It sucks!

    Oh and Amy Schumer is amazeballs!

  39. Shannon in Tustin says

    I was much heavier when I was younger, but never been as in-shape as I am now, at 44. That being said, I still look in the mirror and often see all the flaws and few of the finer parts. I often try to spin it into nice (giant calves = strong running legs, etc.), but it isn’t frequent enough.

    I do believe that loving and accepting myself (faults, flaws and all) is the best message I can send my kids. The rest of the world will try to tear you down. Be strong and know exactly who you are and what you stand for!

    WERD…happy week and safe travels! :)

  40. says

    I’m interested to hear (hopefully) what you learned about the diet pill. I feel that 99% of them are gimmicks and that people would benefit from nutrition classes (or something educational) instead. If insurance companies are going to contribute financially towards weight loss expenditures why not teach instead of slapping on a bandaid? Diet pills, like Lap Band-like procedures, should be a last resort.

  41. says

    The whole “fat talk” idea reminds me of that scene in Mean Girls where the Plastics are standing in front of a mirror together pointing out everything they hate about their bodies. I think for younger girls, it’s almost a way of bonding–you’re weird if you actually like your body because they don’t know anything different. I think once society as a whole can stop treating women’s bodies as objects, it will be easier to love our bodies for what they are.

  42. says

    I am obese and I call myself fat. Do I talk about being fat a lot? That depends on the audience. I’m athletic and I weigh 350 Lbs. I go to a lot of places and participate in many activities where I am the only fat person or really fat person at least. People often want to talk to me about it. If they want to talk I usually talk about it. The more people see the obese as people and not a stereotype the better I figure. Some days I’m not up for it and that’s fine. I don’t natter on about it with my friends generally. I have my blog and that is my outlet for that kind of thing. What bothers me about the article is the idea that I am supposed to monitor the topics I speak about so that other people will like me. That is the slippery slope to low self esteem I think.

  43. says

    Being an ugly kid sure makes you appreciate what a beautiful woman you’ve turned into! At least it did for me!

    I’ve got great eyes, smile, legs!

    I get so annoyed by skinny people saying they’re fat (just asking for people to disagree?) AH! And it’s awkward when people are fat…

    Don’t say something! DO something about it!

  44. says

    It’s awesome to remember to say nice things to yourself but it’s also awesome to neutralize the term “fat” into being just a descriptor instead of a value judgement. Something to think about.

    Great post by the way!

  45. Tia says

    I’m terrible for that, in the past 2 years I’ve lost about 80 lbs, still want to lose another 20 but everyone thinks I’m nuts. When I get into weird moods I will say I’m fat, or chubby or giggly or whatever. I just got back from a trip to Vegas and I think I gained a few, I’m kind of terrified to step on the scale, I was all pouty and saying I was fat to my husband and he just looks at me and says “You’re not fat, but your certainly being stupid”. Least he made me smile LOL

    I’ve found it VERY VERY difficult to transition out of being “the fat girl” I always picture myself that way and when I’m with friends or whatever I still think I’m the biggest one there, then I’ll catch a glimpse of us in a reflection or something and I’m like hey, we’re the same size! It’s hard to stop thinking of yourself in a certain way; I’m not sure how to get past that.

  46. says

    Love this post! I am reminded of this every time I slip up and say “I feel fat today” (even though I am far from that) around my sister, who struggles with her weight daily. It’s hard, because everyone deserves to express how they are feeling, regardless of how true it is or not. Some days, regardless of how I look and how much I actually weight, I do “feel fat”, but I have become more mindeful about that and try to shift my feeling when that happens. It’s a much better way to think- thank you for writing this, though:)

  47. says

    Very interesting. From reading the comments, seems like lots of us have lost weight as we’ve gotten older, but started out life a little on the heavy side. I think that makes it so hard to let your body image issues go. It’s extremely hard for me to not criticize my body at every opportunity, but this post and these comments have encouraged me to stop, if not for myself, for all the others I’m annoying the crap out of :-)

  48. Amy says

    This is a great post. As a former fat kid it is hard to hear skinny friends complain. I would never complain about my body to anybody when I was fat or when I got skinny. I became super sensitive about body weight and developed empathy for people who may hear me say I’m fat when I really wasn’t.

    The fat kid mentality I think will always be with those of us who were overweight and those who grew up normal sized (instead of super-sized?) probably won’t ever understand those feelings.

  49. Bethany says

    Yes! Let’s stop the fat talk, this is a great first step! Next, let’s shift the focus from what our bodies look like, appreciate what real/non-photo shopped bodies look like, “flaws” and all, and start celebrating our bodies for the amazing things they can do. Once we start respecting our bodies, we end up treating them better with fueling with healthier food options and being more active and engaging in positive relationships, including the one with ourselves.

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