I’m not proud of this. And I really am not ready to completely talk about why I this happened. But I want to share because it was a really big deal for me to push through this.
I was doing an interview about my experience at Boston a few days ago with the Hyland’s team and was asked, “What did you find in Boston?”. The theme of sharing our journey was “Find Yourself – Find Your Finish Line”.
My first thought was – I found a lot of Run Eat Repeat followers! It makes me smile to think about all the people who said “Hi” in Boston or messaged that they saw me. Thank you. It made me feel like we were all in this journey together. And I really needed that over race weekend.
Every single hello made me feel a little better, like I had a friend there. I feel like I know you too. And you didn’t know it at the time, but almost quit the race before it even started. I wanted to share because your support meant so much you didn’t even realize.
I’ve been dealing with a family emergency that’s had some ups and downs for a few weeks now. Two nights before the Boston Marathon I just couldn’t cope with it anymore and completely lost it. I stood in my condo’s tiny bathroom crying so hard I was afraid something was wrong with me (besides the obvious things). Every single ounce of strength I had left decided to abandon ship and flowed out of me in the form of tears.
I suddenly realized that I couldn’t travel from SoCal to Boston like this.
What if I had a panic attack on the plane? What if I started to randomly cry at the team breakfast?? I could NOT keep it together and I was going to embarrass myself. Running a marathon requires a strong mental attitude – I did not have that. What if I just felt like I couldn’t keep going and quit?! How mortifying.
I can’t do this.
I was already stressed about travel and um, actually running 26.2 miles on the most prestigious course in the world. That’s normal. But the additional stress of a looming breakdown was just too much. I could not do this. I don’t know how I could cancel at this point, but I had to. I can’t do this…
Then, I had a light bulb moment (right there in the bathroom).
Be brave.
Monican, right now be brave isn’t about running and pushing through a tough hill. Right now you’ve gotta be brave. You have to show up.
This is an awkward situation, but it’s a part of my journey.
I’m very glad I showed up. I’m so grateful for the opportunity. I’m very lucky to be able to blog about running and eating and share my experiences with you. And I’m super thankful that I was able to be brave, push through, run the race and meet a lot of awesome people.
I’ll share more as I process all of this but I did want to tell this story because it was a really big deal for me. I hope you are not going through anything hard right now. But if you are – Be brave.
lots of hugs and prayers your way, girl. and very proud how brave you were and will continue to be!
Thank you for posting this! Praying for your situation. And so proud of pushing through and being brave! You are an inspiration to many people! 🙂
So proud of YOU pushing through and being brave….geesh. Sorry about that.
Be Brave!!! Great reminder. Similar situation last October 2016 during Chicago Marathon. Running 26.2 miles takes dedication and training however, mental strength is key to success.
Thanks for sharing your truth, Monica. It speaks to your character that you were able to be present in your feelings and situation and make the decision to push through. You’re awesome.
Thank you for being so honest and open – I am going through something heartbreaking and I needed this so much. Thank you for the reminder to be brave! xxx
I like your blog because you are you and don’t try to put on facades. You are very brave and strong to be so vulnerable and such a badass for going and running Boston anyway. I hope whatever is going on with you gets better soon.
Thanks for being vulnerable enough to share this. You made the best choice possible to be brave and to go. I appreciate the message today as I am doing something (non running!) today that scares me to death. Going to be brave!
This really resonated with me, thanks so much for sharing. ❤️
Great job on sticking with it! You ARE brave!
Thanks for sharing.
I am so glad you did it Monica! I think running the Boston Marathon must have been a dream come true for you. At least, I’ve witnessed in this blog that you’ve been working towards that dream for a long time. Again, I’m so happy you did it.
Monica!!!! I’m so glad you had such a positive welcome from you RER readers when you came to Noston. I have to tell you, I was so disappointed that I wasn’t there. I mean, here you were right in my state and I couldn’t meet you. I guess the reality is that traveling 90 miles to Boston on the busiest day of the year in the city was less than appealing…just for a chance to say, “hi!” And wave. IF I saw you.
That said, I am so glad you persevered and stuck through it. You really are my hero! Your pure honesty encourages and motivated me to go out of my own comfort zone. You can never know the impact you’ve had on so many people. I’m sure!
I really hope you do it again. I’m going to try to push myself more and more to train for longer runs. I will pray for you. Family emergencies are never easy or fun or something you embrace. Prayers for peace in the storm.
This is a really powerful/helpful story. I am so happy you shared it.
<3
Wow – this is why I love your blog. Most days, you make me laugh out loud cause you’re one funny lady, but today I felt your pain and teared up. So much heartfelt emotion. I, too, feel like I’m afraid of everything but often don’t push through and allow self doubt to win. Thank you.
I’m glad you pulled through in the end. Thank you for sharing your story!
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
http://charmainenyw.com
Thanks so much for sharing. I’m going through some stuff right now. Running is helping me power through, but sometimes it seems so much easier to just give up. I’m inspired by you and your courage!
Thank you again for being so authentic and honest, as always. Sometimes it easy to think the people we idolize behind computers have perfect lives but seeing how you overcame your hard times with bravery makes me think I can do it, too. Sending positive vibes your way and to your family!
I love that you were smiling while telling this story!