Pulling Weeds

My appointment to the RD went well. I told her about the blog on my first visit and she took a look at it, but said she decided not to read so she can hear straight from me what is going on – which is best because I don’t take pictures of my compulsive snacking that is doing the most damage anyways.

I did tell Ben she is trying to keep me fat and I want to say, “How is this helping me lose weight, what the fuck?” But, I decided to be a lady and ask better questions.

Even though I did add some calories to Breakfast & Lunch I still snacked, but it wasn’t as intense so that is a good sign. A lot of my eating out of meal times is a way that I relieve stress and reward or  comfort myself, so that is something I  need to recognize.

I asked when/if I could cut back a bit on calories since I want to lose weight and she said I was asking her if I could diet & the answer is no. Boo. “But, I don’t understand how I am going to lose weight!!!!” I thought. She said it’s like pulling weeds…when you pull weeds you can’t just pull at the top. You need to get all the way down and pull out the root or they are just going to come back. We are trying to pull out the root of my problem so it doesn’t just keep coming back. Wow. So simple, yet so accurate.

Despite her eloquent points (and massive credentials) I am frustrated. I really just want to lose weight. Okay, I also want to completely get rid of my disordered eating patterns (restrict/binge/diet/etc), but I have a wedding & honeymoon coming up!

Homework:

1. Continue to eat more for Breakfast & Lunch. I don’t feel comfortable adding too much, so I am going to make each meal 500 calories. Then, I’ll have an afternoon snack of 200 cals and dinner at 500 to 600 for a grand total of 1800. I don’t see how I can lose weight on this, but hopefully it will stop me from bingeing.

2. Eat all my snacks off of a plate sitting down. I was supposed to do this last time, but did faulter on this one a bit.

3. Right down all the snacking I do for a few days. At this point we really have no idea how much calorie damage I am doing since it is a bunch of random handfuls of different foods it could be 100 calories it could be 2,000. So, she needs to see how much I am really eating.

Lunch – my fave grilled cheese and a big ol’ salad.

Snackage – major junk food attack. I think part of this was stress and part of it was rebelling before my appt with the RD. Plus another handful of chocolate chips in the trail mix.

In healthier pursuits I ate a ton of mango 🙂

After my appt I had to go to Panera to use the internet & couldn’t just freeload internet without buying something…so I got a Cinnamon Crunch bagel & low fat smoothie. I had every intention of saving half of both of these for Ben, but I couldn’t stop eating the bagel and ate all but 1/4 of it – with butter. Seriously, who am I?

Ben and I took a long walk to Target to register for gifts, that was a fiasco as their gun thinger wasn’t working, but we did get a good walk in 🙂

Dinner was courtesy of Buitoni & Foodbuzz 🙂 I got this in the mail today…

I cooked it up and tossed it with a little olive oil, salt and parmesean cheese. These were the best raviolis I have ever had. I am not exagerating! I don’t know why, but I loved them!!! I think it is because they are super garlic-y.

You can also eat them man-style, like Ben did, with meat on top. He really liked them too.

Here is my plate with salad and that random fake pulled chicken crap. That TJ’s salad mix has a ton of cranberries, pecans & cheese – so good and so bad.

Dessert because I am addicted to chocolate…x2