Bad Dieter, Not Bad Person

Camera Crisis!!!

Okay, I’ve been talking about needing a new camera for a while now. Well, the time has come and I can’t wait much longer.

I’m hesitant to get a SLR because of cost and bulk. But, does anyone really swear it will change my life? If not, what kind of camera do you have (if you love it)??

Thanks for the help!


Every time I “cheat” on a diet I feel like a failure, like a bad person. But, I now realize that’s not what falling off the wagon means. Every diet leads to a binge for someone with a history of BED (Binge Eating Disorder) like myself. IMG_6131

I thought I could give up sweets for Lent because it was not about me or a diet, but about sacrifice and Easter. But, that’s not what happened.

I’ve actually been doing really well with it until today. I totally went off the deep end with chocolate chips and indulgent trail mix. I almost started to cry when I realized a few things:

1. I am not a “crier” so if I feel like crying something must be seriously wrong. Read: I’m a mess emotionally right now with personal stuff.

2. I set myself up for this with…

a.) giving up sweets,

b.) my current high stress level and the joys of

c.) searching for a job out of state and

d.) planning a move across multiple states

So, I am here to come clean about my chocolate chip bender and leave it at that. I think going forward I will continue my Lenten promise, but be more aware of stress and my body. If I think it’s a matter of bingeing versus one bite and breaking my Lenten promise I’ll make the wiser choice.

Life is complicated. Food should be easy. I need to remember this and not make such big issues out of all of this dumb stuff!


After breakfast I went to Hot Yoga. I am always stressed out before I go to yoga! Isn’t that ironic? But, yoga scares me and I’m not very good at it so that adds to the stress.

I always feel better after yoga and am glad I went :)

Lunch was a massive salad with everything in the fridge…IMG_6125

and open faced grilled cheese. IMG_6128 I spread a Laughing Cow wedge on a sandwich thin, then added most shredded cheese. It was amazing!IMG_6129

Please feel free to share your camera opinions! See you later :)


  1. Jesse says

    Hi Monica! That takes a lot of courage to tell all of us! I totally can identify with beating yourself up for eating something you think you should have, but that’s not necessary at all, it’s harmful and God wouldn’t want any of us to do that to ourselves. Life brings us enough stressors, so no need to add self-flagelation fo the mix :) I think you are so inspiring, learning to eat intuitively and sharing your journey with us. You’re not alone in your struggle; I admire your determination to just march on! :)

  2. says

    I don’t have an SLR and while they are amazing and tempting, I’m hesitant to get one not only because of cost, but because I’m not a photographer. I mostly take pictures of my food. When I’m at bars with friends or at a wedding or something, I just want to take pictures, not portraits, you know? So if you love photography, then go for it, if not I have a sony cyber shot DSC t77 I love it, but the battery dies pretty quick.

    I can totally relate to your binge. The important thing is that you realize why you did it. Now it’s done, it can’t be undone, so move on. That’s what I tell myself.

  3. says

    I love my SLR! I just usually carry a bigger purse to accommodate it 😉 I do have a Nikon D40 which is one of the smaller ones out there. I tried my boyfriend’s point and shoot and I just can’t go back!

    Good for you for being honest! It’s hard to put yourself out there, and I can TOTALLY relate.

  4. says

    I just got a new camera and I’m loving it so far! Not a SLR or anything like that. Canon PowerShot SD960 IS Digital Elph. Everyone that commented on my post about it said that they also have it and that they love it!

    Diets always turn out badly for me! Restricting what I can eat makes me want to eat it even more. Try not to get too down on yourself about it!

  5. says

    every time i read a post like this i just am in awe of how brave you are for sharing this with strangers. and i’m in awe of how analytical and observant you are with keeping in touch with your body. i know i don’t have BED but i totally look to you for motivation with the overall idea of staying in tune with what i want and need. so thanks :) (and hopefully this wasn’t too sappy a comment haahah!)

  6. says

    I can absolutely relate to what you’re saying here. While I didn’t try to give up sweets for Lent, I have been trying to cut out sweets and enjoy food without obsessing WHILE still losing weight! My stress levels are through the roof (ate half a batch of cookies on Sunday… cried multiple times… freaked out a lot…). I’m not sure I have any advice since I’m in the same place, but just know you’re not alone.

    As for the camera…. I love my SLR but definitely agree it’s not the most convenient. I want a point and shoot for random occassions. I’ve heard the Canon elph is good

  7. says

    hi monica,
    first of all, i love your honesty in telling all of us about your binge. i know my blog tagline might seem corny, but this is exactly what i mean by “you are only as sick as your secrets.” somehow, when you share these things, it just makes you feel better.
    also, if i can make a suggestion, feel free to tell me to shut my yap if you want to, but maybe try to just label what you are doing as eating healthy as opposed to calling it a “diet.” you try your best to eat healthy every day, but you are human and sometimes you make not so great choices. we ALL do it. it can come from stress, hormones, whatever. but don’t beat yourself about it. learn from it, put it behind you and move on, which it looks like you are doing.

  8. Stephanie says

    I’m the same Stephanie who commented about the no-sweets-for-Lent thing being against your intuitive eating goals :)

    I struggle with BED as well and have read most of Roth’s stuff. I’ve been overweight and underweight (currently now about 15 lbs more than I’d like to be), and am now really focusing on intuitive eating. I just don’t want everything I eat to be a BIG DEAL, you know? I want to make mostly good choices, enjoy the splurges, and just not overthink it.

    So far I have made a lot of progress in the last few months. Although I haven’t really lost any weight, a lot of the stress surrounding food is gone, which is a HUGE achievement. I enjoy pizza and drinks out with my friends, without guilt, but am back on the healthy wagon the next meal.

    I respect your desire to give up something you love for Lent, but there are other aspects of life you wanted to work on as well, and maybe right now isn’t a good time to be making food “rules”. For example, you could give up buying coffee out or trips to Target (save $) or try adding in something positive, like applying to one job each week or going to one yoga class each week.

    Just my two cents :)

  9. says

    God bless those words of wisdom but why are they so hard to follow.

    Something that might be empowering for you. I’ve been drawing a star in marker on my calender for the days that I don’t binge. It’s really cool to find patterns and also be able to celebrate the days that worked hard–even if that means eating two brownies rather than ten. I love marking it off.

  10. says

    Life is complicated; food should be easy is an awesome quote. If only it were that easy.
    Emotional eating is HARD to overcome. Your struggle is very real. I wish there were a magic cure or a switch in our brains. I suppose remembering how low you feel on a day like this is motivation to refrain. It seems like a good idea, but it’s very easy to talk ourselves into just having a bite or two that turns into a bite or twelve.
    I hope tomorrow is better for you.

    I have a Canon Powershot SD 1200 and I really like it. I’d like to get a DSLR later this year, but for now this point and shoot takes really good pictures.

  11. says

    I’ve been playing w/ my fuji and i’m loving it even more now. it’s really good if you don’t want to invest in the SLR.

    and i think putting it out there and making it evident to yourself what happened with eats like that is the best we can do for ourselves. Stay strong!

  12. April says

    Thank you for the BED link. I definitely have that issue and found that on the days that I have the need to overeat, I start eating stuff that I know will fill me up so that I will stop faster (if that makes sense). I will have chai or hot chocolate and toast with peanut butter, go crazy with carrots and hummus, or eat oatmeal even late at night because I know it is incredibly filling.

    I love how honest you are with yourself, that is definitely the most important thing!

  13. says

    its so easy to get hung up on the binging action and not figure out the reasoning behind it. im still working on understanding why i overeat and feel guilt associated with food! i cant express how important it is that you discuss this stuff on your blog. you seriously are an inspiration, regardless of having a down day or falling off your ‘diet’.
    my camera sucks too so im not of help. let me know if you find a life changing camera though!

  14. says

    Thanks so much for this post-I always beat myself up when I fail a diet or make a bad eating decision. I love the concept that food should be simple but it isn’t always that way. I am so, so glad to hear I’m not the only one that struggles. Thanks for sharing and thanks for not letting it get you down. You’re an inspiration!

  15. says

    Hello cheesey grilled cheese heaven!!! I just ran out of laughing cow too, bummer.

    I have a Sony CyberShot and love it–sleek, reasonably priced and many picture settings.

  16. Lorin says

    Hey, I’ve read your blog for a few months now and I think you eat really healthy! Don’t be too hard on yourself, at least it wasn’t 10 cookies or something. But, I commend you for putting that out there in the world of strangers, it’s great. I think all of us have the lurking desire to grab chocolate after each meal but you seem to have good control on it. Plus, you can always start on the right track not tommorow but the next meal! (or tommorow if you wish :])

  17. says

    Panasonic has wonderful cameras with amazing manual settings. I forgot what my model was but I’m sure you can find a good one without any trouble. =D

    Try to go back to Intuitive Eating. Is it what your body needs? Or what your emotions want? There are sweets that can be good for you like fruits. Take this opportunity to indulge in them!

  18. Mason says

    I love this: “Life is complicated, food should be easy.” I have been through eating disorder hell and back, and I commend you for evaluating your situation and taking charge. You’re stronger than you know! :)

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