Dealing With Defeat

When I was in fourth grade I got cut from the volleyball team and lost the student council election on the same day. I remember it like it was yesterday, the pain is still palpable.  Our teacher announced the student council election winners losers mid-day. Then, I headed to volleyball try-outs after school where I was promptly given the second kick to the ribs in one day.

Unfortunately, the coach made the cuts early in the practice so I had  to wait on the sidelines for my mom to come pick me up.

Oh, how I prayed that her Toyota mini-van would round the corner any second. I was devastated. I needed to get to the safety. I needed a loving and familiar face. I needed a soothing voice. I needed not to cry in front of everyone.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, she pulled up. As soon as I slid the big white van door behind me I let it out. Hours of sadness and grief all built up in my little nine year old heart poured out in the form of tears.

My mom tried to console me through my sobs. She couldn’t change the election or force the coach to put me on the team (although I kinda wish she would have). But, she made me feel better with hugs – and with ice cream.

She used to say, “We’ll celebrate with frozen yogurt or we’ll drown our sorrows.”

And so I got frozen yogurt that night. It helped a little Smile 

Why am I telling you this?

Because I had a bad day like that today and I need ice cream.yogurtland

I know some people say you shouldn’t use food to make you feel better. But, there are just some foods that are “comfort foods” and take you back to a safe, happy place when you feel like crap.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with drowning your sorrows with some ice cream after a big rejection.

As long as you get up the next day, dust yourself off and get back out there.

To end the story on a happier note: The next year I was voted into the student council and 2 years later I made the cheerleading squad – which is way better than volleyball anyways… CHEERLEADER!

This afternoon I headed to the beach for a group run! I am training to be a coach for a local running club!! It’s only a 10K group, so I am not really including this as part of my training. I’m just happy to participate!


I am very glad I finally found my ear muffs. The wind was chilly!




Now, if you’ll excuse me – I have some ice cream to attend to…


Question: How do you deal with defeat?


  1. says

    Sometimes I eat ice cream. Sometimes I eat Swedish Fish or SourPatch kids. Sometimes I run. But sometimes I just need a good cry and although my eyes turn into a puffy, horrid mess…I feel better.

  2. says

    Hugs to you. Here, have an ice-cream cookie sandwich.

    I’m sorry you had a bad day, Monica. But things will turn up…starting with some self-pampering.

  3. Amanda says

    Not gonna lie….. ice cream always made me feel better. When I busted my toe in August my boyfriend bought me a frosty on the way back home from immediate care. It certainly made me feel better about being cooped up in the house.

  4. says

    I always use food for comfort! They say to find comfort in things you love and I love food so I don’t really see the problem. Sorry it wasn’t a good day for you yesterday. Me too! Ugh, can I please pull up a spoon and dig in with you?? 😉

  5. says

    I am defiantly one who finds comfort in food, usually nothing even remotely healthy a d always to much. Staples are either pizza, burgers and fries, or chicken wings. At least i’m at the point where I realize the problem before I overindulge and can usually relieve the problem now with a run or video games. Plus I know how bad I will feel physically for eating so much of an unhealthy thing

  6. says

    I head straight for the ice cream when I’ve had a bad day. I think it contains natural healing properties or something.

    Sorry you had a rough day yesterday, Monica.

  7. says

    This is why I feel strongly that “cuts” should be outlawed for children’s sports. Any kid that wants to play should be allowed to participate. It’s just a sport, right? I got cut from EVERYTHING in high school, so I ended up cut off from my friends and sedentary. Booo to mean coaches. As a teacher, I may one day coach a sport and I plan to not cute anyone who wants to be there!

    Getting off my soapbox now :)

      • Ella says

        Obviously not all schools have the budget for this, but we had a “C” team, where kids who didn’t make varsity or JV went. They got to play but didn’t bog down the more experienced kids. Altho I am surprised to hear about cuts in 4th grade! We didn’t even have school teams back then, just things like Y basketball and rec softball.

  8. says

    I am so about ice cream to make you feel better after a bad day! Sometimes if I have a bad day at work, I head to a Godiva and get myself a chocolate bar. How can that NOT make you smile :) Hope your day is better today!

  9. says

    “How do you deal with defeat?” – badly, lol..
    I generally don’t relate food to comfort, but I do find I want certain foods when I’m sad- usually something easy, becuase I’m streesed and don’t want to spend forever making something. (nor do I ever really for that matter)

  10. says

    Yes – I know they say that we should always utilize healthy coping mechanisms but sometimes I see nothing wrong with using ice cream or wine or chocolate :) to drown your sorrows. Trying to be “good” all the time is just not human!

  11. says

    I don’t deal well with defeat – I cry, eat carbs, and get drunk. lol Sorry you had such a crappy day. :( And that I missed your call, I’ll try to call you today!

  12. says

    I totally agree-sometimes comfort food is the PERFECT fix! I tend to go between ice cream/desserts or a “homey” dinner – last night was dinner after I found out one of my clients passed away while out for a run over the weekend – shepherd’s pie w/ thick mashed potatoes & tons of gravy was just what I needed!

    Hope today is a better day!

  13. Kate says

    I eat tons of ice cream…or cake. Emotional eating be darned, a pint of Ben & Jerry’s is therapeutic!

    I hope today is better for you, Monica :)

  14. says

    Its hard! I think that first of all telling yourself that it is O.K. to be feeling down or upset or hurt or whateeeever you are feeling is really important! Then do something that makes you smile…and yes, if that is eating Edy’s slow churned ice cream, I FULLY SUPPORT. Life is full of ups and downs. You gota learn to roll with the punches, but that doesn’t mean that the punches feel good.

    as my Dad always says: “Keep ya head up Kid”

  15. Allison says

    Cheerleading is TOTALLY better than volleyball! Boo to cuts in the fourth grade – I try to keep all my cheerleaders who try out, and I coach middle school.

  16. says

    Sorry you had such a bad day. Those days suck. I’ve had a few of those lately and I did resort to food to make me feel better. I wish I was stronger than that but some days that’s just what I need!

  17. says

    I think that’s what comfort food is for! For when life throws you for a loop. Besides, I’d rather eat to my heart’s content with no guilt, then try and be good and then binge later.

  18. says

    Ooof, I feel ya on needing that ice cream. My jr. year of college I lost my bid to be president of student government the day after my Grandpa died. It was a really depressing week. My go-to is either yogurtland or a manicure or both or both with a side of sushi. No matter what, the passage of time makes it better.

  19. Johanna B says

    Two years ago my answer would have been very different. These days I cry a little and then write about it in my journal followed by a long walk. Today it Works for me.

  20. says

    I want to be in your running club. So bad.

    Defeat and rejection are tough for me. Ice cream and frozen yogurt softens the blow however and I think it’s okay as long as I’m not binging on it. Sorry you had a bummer day, friend.

  21. says

    I just did a similar post about the defeating 5K practice run with a side od dehydration. I cried about it, went out intending to get some cadbury mini eggs, but decided against them and had 1/4 c dark choco chips instead. I usually go for YogurtLand (we have one here in Japan) and the Hub usually goes for Mint Chocolate Chip….so funny to see you are the same!!! I have had a lot of defeat, being left out, never stacking up, in my life so I totally get it!! Bravo to you for dusting yourself off and knowing the difference between owning the defeat and letting yourself feel it for a bit as compared to living in it everyday :):)

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