Normally I do confession posts on Thursday because I’m OCD about certain things and that is one of them. (Don’t worry about me being OCD about anything else though, my house is a mess, I have cat hair all over my clothes and forget birthdays like it’s my job.)
Anyways, something is really really bugging me and I just want to get it off my legs chest…
(source)
Yesterday I tried on my bathing suits for this summer and it made me feel like crap. Ugh. There are certain parts of my body that I cannot help but HATE strongly dislike when I look in the mirror. Outside of these 2 areas I’m pretty tolerate and self accepting, I swear.
Confession #1: That bathing suit debacle led me to spending 20 minutes researching non-invasive lipo before I realized I just needed to write about this and vent. Ahhh. I feel better just admitting it.
Confession #2: I’m really frustrated with something (non-saddlebag related) and can’t talk about it here just yet. Sorry, that confession is dumb.
Confession #3: I’ll probably spend another 20 minutes deciding whether or not to actually publish the above confession because I fear it will result in someone feeling bad about themselves and several mean emails.
Disclaimer: Please never direct the things a blogger says about themselves onto yourself. Remember you’re basically reading someone’s online diary. If you were reading my actual diary I don’t think you would question whether or not you were too bitchy to Ben last week…
Lunch! Leftovers from yesterday’s stir-fry.
and an amazing fruit bowl with mango, apple-banana and apples. 
I ended up adding cottage cheese and a little chocolate granola. 
Note: Ben found the chocolate granola last night and said, “I don’t know how you call that stuff healthy.”
Me: “I don’t call it healthy, I call it amazing.” True.story.
Question: Okay, someone out there has to have my back – anyone ever get or consider a body contouring/lipo procedure?
EVERYDAY!!! I really try to love my body the way that it is. I have given birth to three babies, nursed all three of them and have reached the dreaded over 35 where when you even think about food you gain weight…I have been running for a year, planning to get fit, lose a few lbs, and be healthy…I have not lost 1 lb…not 1. I can see that my body has changed in a good way from a year ago but even a lb would make it feel worth while…I threw out my scale only to get a new one at FitBloggin over the weekend…UGH!!!
You are gorgeous! Ben loves you and I think you look amazing! We are our biggest critics and I am sure your insecurities would be over looked by those on a beach..because every other women is worried that everyone is looking at their trouble spots. So, don’t worry, be happy:)
have an amazing day!
Totally unrelated, but give yourself credit for this little tidbit -> I considered making my BF relocate to SOCAL bc I think you are freaking awesome, and I don’t even know in real life =)
I’ve considered a “designer c-section” i.e. where you get a baby and a tummy tuck. It’s hard when as healthy as you eat and as much as you work out there will always be areas that aren’t quite there. I’ve always had a flabby tummy, even at 100 lbs in high school. Part of me uses it as an excuse to give up on getting a flatter stomach which is bad and the other half wants to obsess over it. I do know that carrying weight around your tummy can lead to earlier death so I will continue to work on my overall fitness with an extra few crunches/planks for my least favorite section.
As for bathing suits, I love my coverups, staying in the water and lying all the way down so I don’t have to see my tummy staring me in the face. Now excuse me as I eat a handful of crackers and spreadable blue cheese, yum!
I don’t think you can live in California and *NOT* consider some sort of lift/enhancement/reduction/augmentation job. It’s tough to walk on the strand of any beach in southern California and question, “Are my boobs perky enough? Is my butt tight enough? Are my abs defined enough?” …because, inevitably, you’ll always see someone that has something that you want. What’s funny is – the girl you’re admiring is likely wanting something that you have, too!
I always wonder what guys think of girls who have “work done”…whether they like the new look, the new feel, etc.?
Not really. I’ve lost a good amount of weight, but know I can make an effort to lose more and do more strength training. I can sill make a lot of transformations to my body without going under a knife. I’m pretty modest too — years of trying to hide aspects of my body will do that — and I’m not eager to jump in a bikini.
I’ve also read that the fat will come back in unusual places (for you). That’s scary. Also, I know that for the vast majority of people lipo and other cosmetic surgery is safe, but there are complications and people die of it. Very few people, but still. Surgery is surgery. My mother had a facelift and she looked really bad right after it and for a good 6 weeks. She’s fine now, but that recovery period takes time.
I know I am late chiming in on this, but I felt the need to comment because I work for a company that manufactures products for plastic surgeons, and I work with salesreps and speak to doctor’s offices on a daily basis. So I have a unique perspective on the whole body image situation.
Any type of inpatient or outpatient surgery is still surgery is and dangerous! It’s no walk in the park, and requires recovery time, and oftentimes repeat procedures. In some cases, it is worth it, but not until you have thought things through completely, and done thorough research on the doctor, the procedure, the side effects, the dangers, the benefits, etc. The issue of informed consent comes into play.
We women trick ourselves into thinking we “need” things like liposuction to fit the body image that the media (and the poeple who pay my paycheck) want us to see.
Is all cosmetic surgery bad? No. Am I against it? Not necessarily. HOWEVER it is really important to weight the costs both physically and emotionally. It won’t fix you on the inside, and may be riskier than you bargained for.
My point? Be careful what you wish for, because there are always hidden fees both physically and emotionally when it comes to cosmetic procedures. 🙂
Boy, did I ever used to consider this, but I don’t anymore. Ask me again 5 years from now when I expect to have a kid or more by then. But I’ve always though bikinis were the devil, invented to make women feel bad about themselves and really show more of ourselves to the public than necessary.
I think most women have insecurities about something. I actually like my flat, toned stomach, but hate my legs. I do lots of cardio and have recently added a lot more weight training, but my legs are just big. I’m jealous of the girls with fantastic legs but carry a little weight in the stomach. They can show off those legs all year long in a miniskirt or skinny jeans, but you only see my stomach when I’m at the beach in a bikini!
I have thought about it before! Being majorly apple-shaped I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I’ve dreamed of making my darn stomach match the rest of my body!
I’ve thought about a boob job and a little lipo on my legs, no matter what i do they will always be big! (thighs, not my boobs – quite the opposite up there! ha!)
ps I love that bikini!!!
I have always considered lipo for my hips and legs….I’ve always been “blessed” with tree trunk legs! But after having my daughter, a tummy tuck has quickly risen to the top of the list! There is just some things that weight loss won’t cure….too much skin!
Monica,
First off . . . You are gorgeous the way you are even if YOU can’t see it.
One of my best friends got liposuction 2 years ago at the tender age of 25. She was CONVINCED that if she didn’t get the fat sucked out of her thighs that she would never be happy.
A lot of pain and a lot of money later . . . Her legs returned back to normal! (she never needed it in the first place either)
Even worse then that was that her attitude never changed about herself once she did it.
The thing with diet pills and surgeries is that they change something on the outside of you but the real change needs to come from within!
It’s hard and it’s uncomfortable (I blab about that a lot in my blog) but it’s worth it to be who you are authentically and love yourself no matter what.
I’m getting there!
🙂
I like the bikini! You’re braver than me – I like my body but feel much more comfortable in a tankini.
I don’t think I’d consider surgery – at least not now or in the near future. At the moment I’ll just eat healthily, try not to binge on chocolate-covered Brazils, and exercise (easier said than done though!). I want to know that my body looks awesome because of my hard work. Plus then I’d have more money to spend on cute swimwear!
Thank you for sharing your honest thoughts here!
I, too, have ‘saddlebags’ and on occasion think about my options for lipo. But then I think about how the cosmetic surgery industry spends millions (billions?) of dollars on advertising each year to appeal to those negative voices in our heads that make us think it’s ugly to have womanly curves. And then I think of how expensive lipo is and how I’d rather spend my extra cash on race entries and blogger trips like Foodbuzz Festival. I’d rather invest in those experiences for myself!
You may want to reconsider liposuction. There’s an article in the NY times that says the fat just relocates to other parts of the body:
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/05/02/after-liposuction-fat-just-relocates/?scp=2&sq=liposuction&st=cse
Ahh! Oh crap 🙁
Oops! Just posted about this on your next post. sorry!
I think you look great–but, like, really, I’m not just saying that because you considered lipo!
I have not considered liposuction, but I plan on getting a breast lift after I have kids. I am currently 23 and unmarried, so 1. that will be a while and 2. I am crazy.
There’s NO shame in the mommy-makeover. When my times comes I’ll see it more as a tune up, rather than true cosmetic surgery 🙂
Now I’m super curious about #2…
I’ve thought about, ahem, breast augmentation, but the older I get (you know, at the ancient age of 27) the lamer it seems. I’m married, cheap, and hate pain. Plus, everyone would know they’d be fake, so I’d be known as the “teacher with the boob job.” No thanks.
I’ll tell you about #2 via email if you want 🙂 It’s not a big deal, just a rant I can’t say publicly…
I agree with the Katie above. It takes a little time to get used to seeing yourself in summer clothes. I actually wear my bikini around the house sometimes because it makes me feel more confident when I eventually wear it in public!
I wear my bathing suit around the house sometimes for motivation. As far as lipo, i’ve never seriously considered it. I like to look up personal trainers that i can’t afford. I want someone to kick my booty so i can say i earned my jessica biel body.
I always think about getting a tummy tuck. No matter what you will never see my abs and I do abs all the time! My mom’s side of the family has little bellys and we can diet and exercise as much as we want, it will always be there. At times I get uncomfortable with my self image and some days I feel so confident. I’ve learned to just adapt it and realize this is me. BUT after I have kids and if I feel I still want that tummy tuck I will do it because after having babies.. I think I will finally deserve a flat belly. 😉
I’m 8 months pregnant and pretty much envious of every girl I see. 🙂 No matter what someone is dealing with in their life, I always think “at least you don’t have a ginormous pregnant body.” I know that being pregnant is a wonderful thing and am so happy, but it’s still difficult at time with all the transitions I am going through. Body image is a tricky thing. I completely understand where you are coming from- you are not alone girlfriend! I have had times in the past when I’ve truly wanted plastic surgery..mostly out of frustration. They were irrational thoughts, but it can be hard being a women and accepting your body sometimes!
And you look great by the way. 🙂 Remember that we all have areas we loathe when we are in a bikini. It doesn’t make it any easier, but I don’t think there is a lady out there who doesn’t feel that way at one point or another.
If it makes you feel any better, my butt looks like it’s 8 months pregnant. Kidding 🙂
Thanks for chiming in Carrie – I wish you a healthy baby and a healthy recovery <3 Nothing is more amazing than making a whole new person! You rock.
First, a quote, from a book called The Cult of Thinness:
“If you wanted to come up with a plot to take an entire gender and render them less effective, you’d put them on a diet and have them buy a scale. The human energy wasted by women thinking about these numbers is enormous.” pg 134
Second, I gotta say… I get it. I know that I am a good looking lady but I still feel bad about my tummy. But I try to remember that I am worth more than that, and so are YOU! We are stronger and better than the forces that want to make us think we look unacceptable. Because they have goals.. like making women spend tons of money on surgery!
I just wrote a post on the whole bikini thing. I honestly don’t think anyone ever feels 100% comfortable in a bikini. Honestly, they are just so awkward. Venting is a good thing! That is what the blog is all about. 🙂
I haven’t considered it yet, but I’m sure I would later in life/after kids. And honestly, I know so many people think that the idea of plastic surgery/procedures are ruining women’s self esteem, but I don’t think that is the case at all. Women have been wearing corsets, putting on makeup, dying their eyebrows, staining their lips and going on diets for centuries! This is just the modern version! Good or bad, the quest for perfection and beauty is ingrained in humans, and that will always affect the physical side of things too. So, it’s totally normal, and I personally don’t see anything wrong with it. I think if you’ve got the desire, time and money, then go for it. I think one day, “procedures” will be super affordable and accessible, just like ANY other form of ‘technology’.
I also agree with some other commenters that you’re looking pretty slim lately! Have you been noticing/feeling a weight loss? I know your weight loss page doesn’t say anything after the end of April (and you said you were the same?) but do you *feel* a difference? You look different! I know that we all have our own goals and our own ‘happy weight’, but you look awesome right now!
Ugh, I have been there re: bikinis. My solution? A one-piece. I’ve made peace with the fact that I’ll probably never be comfortable and confident in a bikini and I don’t feel like I need to force myself in that direction when they make such cute little tank suits. That ship has sailed and I am perfectly OK with it. You know? As women we’re probably always going to have bellies and that layer of fat around the back of our hips. For about a second I thought “hey! that’s a cop-out!” but – I don’t really care. I got tired of trying to get myself to feel confident when I felt like I was parading myself around in my underwear in front of strangers.
I’ve had both and I don’t regret it at all! I’ve lost a lot of weight, worked my ass off (literally) to get to where I am and it’s something that I really wanted. A lot of people see it as the easy way out…they can keep their opinions to themselves, I worked hard to get to where I am at, I sure as hell am going to enjoy it, and if that means a little sword sucking the fat out of my saddle bags, so.be.it.
I’d never have lipo only because surgery scares the jeebies out of me. I can’t say that I haven’t thought about it, though. I know fat talk is bad and harmful to your self esteem but I’m sorry, it’s damn near impossible not to feel bad about yourself at least sometimes.
When I was younger I gained a lot of weight quickly which left me with TONS of stretchmarks. I’ve had them for 20+ years, I hate them, they make me self conscious and I can talk myself up all I want, but I still have those stupid stretch marks. Add that to the cellulite that mysteriously disappeared when I turned 28 (It was like overnight) and I’ll never wear a bikini. I’m generally fit and much smaller than I was in high school, but those stretch marks are still there.
I definitely can’t blame you for researching lipo options. Is it the best choice? Probably not. But is is normal? Heck yeah. 🙂
Back when I was on the “lost” side of the “gained and lost and regined over 100 pounds” equation, I used to dream about lipo for my inner thighs – ugh! – and a tummy tuck for all of the loose skin I couldn’t ever get rid of. Now I would settle for being able to bike 10 miles without feeling wobbly because my body is out of balance from extra weight.
I’ve lost 280 pounds (without surgery) and I think about plastic surgery every.single.day of my life. I have approximately 20 pounds of excess skin and fat that will never, ever go away without surgery no matter what I do. It’s soso hard sometimes to deal with it, but I would rather have the skin issues than be 450 pounds again. I have literally seriously thought about selling a kidney, baby, etc. (kidding about the baby. mostly) I do understand what how you feel. Our situations are different, but the feelings can be similar. I do have to say that I would kill for your body as it is right now. I hope that’s not creepy.
Oh yeah, there were so many times where I wanted to get lipo around my hips. My weight always seems to go there. Or the little pooch in front. And I have cellulite but whatcha gonna do? 🙂
you are a beaut, but as women, i think we all hate lots of things about our bods 🙁 it sucks, and i for one do not know how to change it, besides telling you that you are funny and wonderful and GORG! #preach 😉
Ok, I’ve never thought of lipo, but I do need to tell you that I straight up really appreciate that you’re brave enough to air that inner voice on the blog-we all have one like it, and Ive spent way more than 20 minutes of my day thinking similar body hate thoughts. I think I can relate to you better than any other blog I read, and that’s why I adore your blog. You keep it so damn real!
With that said-you rock, girl, and don’t let the bathing suit woes get you down! You run half marathons and marathons like it’s your job, and you eat real and yummy food….and aren’t afraid to do it, or say how you feel about it. I think it balances out to one amazing woman!!!
Thank you Rae. This comment means a lot 🙂
I have saddlebags too. Let’s form a club!
(I’m a new reader and haven’t commented before–yay!)
Hi Erin,
Thanks for commenting 🙂
Now we must come up with a name for this new club…
I totally ‘get it’. I have lost about 80 lbs and have the skin of a person who’s 80lbs heavier (big surprise? nope!), except I’m not. Bad mental picture right? Yeah. So I officially decided that it’s time to take in the birthday suit (and have a touch of lippo to smooth things out). …you know when you lose weight and you throw away all the clothes that are too big…? Same kind of thing here. I’ve never talked about this w. anyone but my husband, so hopefully those that read your comments will be nice.
ha been there. In fact, just moments ago I was cursing myself for eating a cheesey tortilla and all the leftover creamy risotto BEFORE I go out to dinner. and then I realized, to hell without it…my handles are made with love (and FOR love, damn it).
You look fab, and Im not just saying that, you really do. And regardless of what we all think about yourselves, that swimsuit is hot and Im sure you look hot in it 🙂
I must agree with Katie and say that I think you’re already slim/skinny/whatever. Seriously girl, you look good. I will admit that I actually have thought about lipo/tummy tuck and get this…I’m only 21. After losing 130lbs I still have excess skin on my stomach that I hate, and I’ve never worn a two piece in my life and probably never will just because I keep things pretty modest as habit. My mom consoled me and reminded me that my body is constantly going to change (so the skin will come in handy whenever I have babies) and though it’s taken time, I accept my body, love it and respect it because it’s the only one I’ve got!
Kelsey I have the same problem. After losing 125lbs. I have extra skin on my belly and inner thighs and I am WAY too self conscious to put on a bikini although I would LOVE to be able to rock one. The thought of wearing a bikini someday was something I used to motivate myself on my weight loss journey. But now I am trying to accept that even though my slimmer self doesn’t look exactly as I’d hope I am healthier for losing the weight.
My health is something I remind myself of daily even if I’m not loving my physical appearance some days! I can say though that I’m kind of excited to be rocking and looking lean in a hot one piece this summer!
That is a pretty bathing suit and I bet you look better than you think in it! Don’t go getting your back ‘scooped’ and other crazy things, like Heidi Montag. Thinking of lipo and stuff reminds me of her which then makes me sad because I thought she was sooo pretty before.
do you have sleek med spa’s in cali? i want to go to there and have my stomach and thighs removed.
an old co-worker of mine had real lipo years ago and LOVED it. i’d do it in a heartbeat if i had the money, especially if it got rid of cellulite.
as for the bikini, i think you look great and can totally tell you’ve slimmed down. if i had your bod i’d live in a bikini.
Thank you Julie 🙂 I’m sure they have those med spa’s around here – they have everything in OC!
Really strange timing, but my friend at work JUST told me today that she is spending $1500 for some laser lipo that is supposed to take off inches without any surgery. She said they guarantee it and people who have done it swear by it. She’s getting it done next month, so I’m really interested to see how it goes. If it works, I can’t say I wouldn’t spend a paycheck to lose a few inches in the hip/butt area. Especially if it’s non-invasive.
I am a-okay with my body except for one part: my stomach. Like last year I think I mentioned on your blog that I’d never owned a bikini and could never wear one because of my stomach. You responded by saying that life was short and to just DO IT.
Well I bought a bikini last week! And I when I was standing in the dressing room talking myself out of it because of my stomach, I thought about what you said and just bought it. I haven’t written about it on my blog yet because I’m anxious about hte whole thing. 🙂 I may just wear it in our backyard and not have any photos taken!
Yah! I’m glad you bought the bikini. It’s not easy for me to wear one, but this might be as good as it gets, so we just have to go for it 🙂
Yea girl i hear ya. we all have our areas no matter what shape or size and every so often those areas stick out and seem more noticeable swim suit season is definitely one of those times I am good for about once every 3 months “seriously considering” and tummy tuck and boob job, so you are definitely not alone. so vent give it a few days and then rock your swim suit and know how fabulous you are and how great you look.
I work/out at a university, so I share a locker room with 18-21 year old young ladies. That is a quick way to make someone consider lipo.
You want a funny visual? I have chicken legs but put all my weight in my tummy. 🙂
I LOVE your projection metaphore. Very clever and very true. I admit to confession #1 too. Although I haven’t ever really looked into it. I’ve had cellulite under my right glute since forever (but not under my left) and I would love to be able to do something about it if the opportunity ($) presented itself. I don’t really know if I would go through with it, but it’s something that has bothered me for years. I know we’re supposed to be very self accepting as health and fitness blog writers, but people get their teeth straightened/whitened and to me, it’s not so different.
Oh yeah. They have these things called “Mommy Makeovers” where they fix your stomach and breast from having kids. I have looked at the websites before. I don’t think I’d ever actually do it though.
Hi Monica,
I’ve noticed lately that you were looking slimmer so whether or not this is true, your body image is definitely a thing of the mind, not the physical body. I am kind of going through the same thing but for me, body image in summer clothes (shorts, tanks, bikinis) is more about me not used to seeing myself in such things rather than how I actually look in them. I’m so used to being covered up from the winter that seeing myself in a bikini, shorts, or tank tops makes me feel weird, but I have to remind myself that its just a different way of looking at myself.
I hope you start feeling better soon because the big picture of this is that you exercise daily, choose healthy options, and are part of a loving family–if that doesn’t constitute for happiness, what does?
Good point about the summer clothes. Thanks 🙂
You are so silly! You do not need surgery!!! We all have those moments tho :-/ Perhaps you should focus more on strength vs cardio? It changes your body in good ways!
I’ve considered it. No matter how much weight I lose, I always carry it in my belly. I’m waiting for a day when I’m super bloated, for someone to ask me if I’m pregnant. I’ve thought about lipo but decided it could wait until after I have kids.
Thanks for chiming in 🙂 I was holding my breath, hoping someone “got it”.