I started this little ol’ blog after I met the guy I’d marry one day. But, before the blog and before Ben I went through a really really hard break up. The kind of break up where you think your life is over and you do embarrassing things to get them back and you make everyone around you think you need counseling and/or new friends. Ouch.
I was with my ex 4 1/2 years. We met when I was a freshman in college. I thought we were going to get married. I was young and dumb and full of –. I crumbled to pieces when we broke up. It was bad. Obviously, I got over it but I do still feel that familiar deep pain when a friend goes through a break up. I get it. I’ve been there. It sucks.
I’ve been meaning to put together a post like this for a long time and I received an email today that finally gave me the push I needed. Here’s part of the email:
Hi Monica,
I’m a big fan of your blog. I started reading health and fitness blogs a few months ago and I’ve really fallen in love with yours! You’re so friendly and helpful and approachable. It’s really inspiring.Well anyways, I don’t know what experience you have staying healthy after a break up, but I could definitely use any advice. My boyfriend and I recently broke up and I just moved out of our apartment we shared together this week. It’s been a devastating break up. We were together for over 2 years and had plans to get married one day. Not only am I sad, but my life has been hugely inconvenienced by the move. Now my commute sucks. The break up has been about 4 weeks now and I’ve been totally emotionally eating. Completely aware and not caring.
I started doing the couch to 5k program in November. I haven’t been consistent but I’ve been sticking with it. Even after a 2 week break over the holidays, I got back on the road again yesterday and was so happy I did. I’m glad I’m still running and trying, but I don’t know how to shut up the voice in my head that drives me to eat cupcakes! I haven’t had a sweet since Tuesday when I moved so I’m really happy about that. I want to keep my streak going and I need to prepare for when I get weak and overcome with sadness again.
Wow, that was really long- sorry! Well now that you have my whole life story… I could use any advice you can throw at me 🙂
Thanks for writing and sharing you with all of us! Have a happy day!
Breaking up sucks. Even if the break up is really for the best it’s so difficult to deal with the grief of losing someone who was a big part of your life. And when you’re dealing with crappy situations it’s hard to stay healthy.
First off, I read “It’s Called a Break Up Because it’s Broken”. Yes, it’s cheesy. But it did offer some very obvious and realistic advice (that for some reason you can’t see on your own through the fog of emotions). 
Then, give yourself full permission to mourn for a while. Depending on your life circumstances, find this time where you can. But, go ahead and be sad and cry and scream and tear up pictures if you have to. Seriously, go ahead I won’t judge. Just don’t do anything embarrassing like write on his/her Facebook wall that he has the herp. Unless he does 
Now that you’re dealing with a sad situation I understand you might not want to exercise or eat right. But, if you’re sad you really need those exercise endorphins more than ever! You need to exercise for your emotional health more than your physical at this point.
That’s why I put together this “Get Over Your Ex Mix” of songs. Load them to your phone or ipod or whatever, crank it up and walk it off!
Get Over Your Ex Mix
Warm up: (walk or slow jog)
Adele – Someone Like You 4:45
Beyonce – Irreplaceable 3:52
Run it off: (bring it to a comfortable pace)
Kelly Clarkson – Since You’ve Been Gone 3:09
Pink – So What 3:35
Alanis Morrissette – You Outta Know 4:09
Beyonce – Single Ladies 3:13
Cool Down: (bring it back to a walk or slow jog)
Cee-Lo Green F**k You 3:43
Then, stretch out and think happy thoughts. *Option B is to just crank these songs in your room and dance it off!
When you start to feel down call a friend, watch a funny TV show or read funny stuff on the internet.
Or may I suggest a fun blog?
Question: Anyone else got advice for staying healthy when you’re going through a break up?
I’m behind on my blog reading and I just read this post. AWESOME mix, girl. Awesome. Great advice too.
I know I’m late commenting on this post, but I too went through a really bad breakup from my high school sweetheart after dating for years. The book, It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken, was my bible! It was so helpful and the only thing that was blunt and forward enough to push me out of my rut, while still making me understand that SOMEONE knew where I was coming from. I went so far as to colorfully highlight especially important passages and whenever I felt myself backsliding, I went back and flipped through my saved pages.
I just celebrated a 2 year anniversary with a new guy, and sometimes I get overwhelmed that I’ve managed to get “that serious” again. But I’m so happy with him and my life as a whole now!
I am in the complete opposite boat – I can’t wait to break up with my bf so that I can be healthier. Let me elaborate a tiny bit – stupidly bought a condo with my bf 5 years ago – height of the market $$$, we were just getting back together after a break up (red flag) and I so badly wanted to own that I let his (real estate agent) mom talk me into this. I’ve felt stuck ever since – he has no hobbies or friends so I feel like I can never go to the gym after work because I am always gone so much as it is. He is a very picky eater so I can’t ever cook seafood or VEGETABLES in my own house. I just can’t wait to have my freedom! (Please say prayers that the bank approves the short sale offer that we got and I can be on my own soon and eventually find the guy that appreciates me and can be my partner through all my adventures.)
Break-ups are the worst! My ex and I were together for 2 years and he was extremely controlling and mentally/emotionally/verbally abusive. After we broke up, I decided I would fix my life by eating fast food and drinking bottles of wine at a time. Eh, WRONG!
I finally decided to get my life together and start running and working out. I’ve never felt better and now I’m engaged to a a wonderful guy.
ps. I love your ex-mix!
My advice for getting over a break up (especially one where you’ve been with them for so long) and to keep your mental sanity.. is to delete them from your facebook! I spent way too much time stalking my ex and feeling bad bc he was happy and i felt crushed. After deleting him and not having that access i felt a lot better.
aww this was such a sweet post! i’ve never actually been through a legit breakup but i experienced something similar lately. didn’t have the emotional eating problem because when i’m feeling really upset i can’t eat at all. now i can eat again but i’m still a little sad. exercise DEFINITELY helps, simply because it boosts your confidence and helps take your mind off things.
Thanks for this post! I uprooted my life to a new city and started dating someone immediately. When he broke up with me several weeks ago I had no idea what to do and no support system. It’s been a hard few weeks and emotional eating has definitely come into play, but exercising helps! And writing hateful letters I will never send. 🙂
I wrote letters like that too. It helps 🙂
Ugh, break ups are not fun! My bf and I broke up after he decided to apply for and accept a job 3 hours away after I had already started my career in a town near where we went to school (we met in college). He knew I couldn’t move my career and seemed to show no concern or hesitation to move 3 hours away with out a plan on how we could eventually meet in the same city again. I took that as a hint that he was not as committed to the relationship as I was. It’s been almost 2 years since we broke up, but the break up is the reason I picked up running. I was so upset with him when we were discussing the break up that I went for a walk and ended up running and instantly fell in love. The stress relief of running and letting my thoughts wonder (along with the endorphins) was very theraputic for me.
One of my more impowering moments (even though this sounds mean, but he broke my heart so I feel it’s justified) was when he sent me an e-mail confessing his undying love for me after we hadn’t spoke in months. I was pretty fired up and emotional about his email because he had already had his second chance to figure it out. The worst part was that he sent this email 3 days before the biggest race I had ever ran, a half marathon. I responded to his e-mail and at the end I told him if he was compelled to contact me again that he had to wait till after my half marathon because I wasn’t going to let him ruin it for me by stressing me out. I never heard from him again and it’s been a year! Wahoo, I finally got to move on! Even better, my half marathon was awesome, my frustration towards him was very motivating to run fast!
Sorry, that was long. Moral of the story, good things can come out of a break up if you keep your mind open to it!
Holly, you rock.
I dated a guy throughout high school and college but after doing long-distance, we began to grow apart- he was a great guy, but not for me. I def think it’s a heck of a lot easier doing the breakup than being the one whose broken up with, although it still wasn’t easy and I wasn’t in a happy place since I just ended a 5-year relationship… It really helped spending time with my friends, going out even when I didn’t want to, cooking meals, and working out- basically anything to keep me occupied so I couldn’t think about it all…
I apparently must not be over my ex. I have literally every one of those songs on my workout playlists. Haha!
I totally have all those songs on my ipod too! That’s why I wanted to do this – every time I listen to them I remember they helped me get over whats his name 😉
In the wise words of Tom Haverford, “Treat yourself.” Take care of you. Working out and eating healthy will give you a boost, and keep you healthy on the inside to deal with all of the emotion and ups and downs.
I would add Ben Folds Five’s “Song for the Dumped.” Give it a listen. It is awesome.
Ha! I love that book and read it about 1000 times after a breakup (seriously, i bought the audio too and would listen in the car). I have also bought it for other people. I think the idea behind it is great – that you are wonderful and you shouldnt want to be with someone who doesnt want you. Glad you found Ben and I hope your reader takes your advice – on the book and the playlist!
Having a good support system is really important. Maybe friends to get your mind off the break-up. Family to drive you nuts and forget about the sleaze-bucket. Or, if you don’t have those options available to get you through, therapy/counseling can be very helpful. I’m a believer in talking it through, and sometimes an impartial 3rd party can be most helpful.
I’m a huge believer in therapy.
Last night I found something on a social networking site that was really hurtful that my boyfriend did. We’ve been together for over a year and are in love, but I felt so betrayed and hurt. This post comes at just the right time. Last night I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach, so I texted my friend about it and we met up right away at a cafe for a long girl talk session which allowed me to think everything out very clearly and reevaluate things. This morning, I laced up my running shoes and ran the farthest I’ve ever ran outside (when not in a race), in freezing weather, in pouring rain, and you know what – it was THE most therapeutic thing I’ve ever done and the easiest run in a LONG time. I don’t think about anything when I run – it’s just me, the music and the scenery, so I’d definitely recommend getting some exercise in. Oh, and I came back an cooked a super healthy & delicious new to me recipe. The exercise will start you off on the right foot, and the healthy cooking will keep you feeling good, or at least better than if you didn’t do anything. Trust me on this one. This was my Saturday.
Great job S!!!
What funny timing. I went through a horrible break up in December, and I have found in the past few weeks that exercise has been the only steady thing to fill my time with and keep me going. I’ll add some songs I’ve had on my ipod for my runs these past 3 weeks: Nicole Scherzinger – Don’t Hold Your Breath; Kelly Clarson – Sober; Pink – Long Way To Happy; Ashlee Simpson – Not Time For Tears…I have the longest playlist ever for runs right now. Music has helped so much. Great post!
Sounds like you’re doing well Kim 🙂 Keep it up!
I was in a relationship off and on for 5 years & when we broke up, I was completely heartbroken. I was certain we would get married one day and was so ready to spend my life w that fool… Ahem, I mean that guy.
I think what’s most important is giving yourself the time to recover from the breakup and to feel whatever you are feeling at that moment. I mean, really feel it. For me, I was able to do this through journaling, but it could be any number of things. I think a lot of the unhealthy habits spring up because people try to fill the newfound void in their lives. I think you’ve got to feel the void before you can fill the void though. And be lenient with yourself in terms of expectations! One of my good friends got divorced and went on a date the next month while my relationship ended in July and I’m just warming up to the idea of dating again. Just like if someone important in your life died, it’s important to be lenient and understanding of yourself and your needs in this moment. Grieve the end of the relationship for however long it takes you and then start creating your “new normal” and life will resume.
Ice cream once in awhile, a sobfest now & then & the support of family and good friends will all get you through it! If you had healthy habits before, you’ll return to them nearly effortlessly when your heart has had some time to heal. & if you didn’t have healthy habits before, what better time than now to create some?!
I think this might be the first post of yours I’ve ever read & I am definitely a fan. 🙂
Thanks Errign 🙂
Making a getting over you/eff you playlist specifically for a workout seems like a great idea. I like your picks. I’ve made those playlists and some of the songs on it are actually some of my favorites. Working out generally de-stresses me, but it’s even more important in those tough times.
Maintaining a workout schedule (if you have one) is a great way to keep some consistency and normalcy if everything else in your life feels like its been upended. In the past, ending a relationship left me with a lot of free time. Instead of wallowing around and feeling lonely, it’s the perfect time to begin something new like a new training plan, workout class, or focusing on cooking new healthy recipes.
Ah, I did what SpaceySteph did. . . Drinking and making out with coworkers (while drinking – oops). I ended up going to Vegas with my best friend after the “guy I was going to marry” broke up with me over the phone from Wyoming. I bought a lovely little diamond to celebrate my independence and because I’m (expletive) better than him.
3 months later I found the man I’ve spent the last 3 (amazing weight gaining) years.
I think everyone has a different way of coping (obviously), but for funny stuff on the net I laugh to tears reading Damnyouautocorrect.
Damnyouautocorrect is a good one!!!
Just keep doing what you are doing….put one foot in front of the other. I dated a guy for two years and then the relationship ended. The hardest part for me was that I was losing my best friend. The worst thing that I did was stay in the relationship for the last six months of it knowing it was supposed to be. Once it ended I did exactly what was said above….allowed myself to mourn. And then one day I got up and it didn’t hurt as bad as it did the day before. In fact, he just got married and I am completely ok with that. Happy actually. Just put one foot in front of the other…..and then take off in a jog….and then sprint! 🙂
I’m happily married (for 3 years + 6 years of dating) but I’ve been there. I wish I had good wisdom, but for me it was just, love yourself, even if he doesn’t love you. It’s terrible, and for those going through it, I’m so sorry. But it DOES get better!!!
Watch a lot of Dane Cook… laughter is the best medicine. Oh yeah, and cry when you need to!
Just don’t do what I did- stopped eating, subsisted entirely on alcohol and making out with internet dates/coworkers to fill the emptiness. Bad behavior.
Remember eventually you’ll feel better, and you don’t want to come out of your fog to a mess (or have to work side by side with a guy who touched your boob, erm something like that). Be good to yourself, for your future self if not for your current one.
Love the last song in the mix. Sweet. I think my best advice for me was to just get out and take a walk. I just knew moving provided therapy for me. To help get those endorphins buried way down to surface. Even if minute at first. It helped. I got better.
I trained for my first 1/2 marathon after my last bad breakup. best thing I could have ever done!
Yep …. drunken boys (maybe gals too) and broken hearts. The way of the world for most of us as young adults. Tons of tears.
These days more intelligent help is available. I would think so anyway. There is so much concentration on working out …. exercise in general. Eating good food to fuel our bodies. All positives.
For myself, along with various gal-pals, the book you mention, (and many others on Amazon) would have been mighty handy!
I have never been a drinker. No worries in that department for best buds or me. We all dislike beer, most all booze. A sip of wine twice a year …. enough. Thank goodness!
P.S. Monica …. glad you and Ben found each other …… happiness!
What does it say about me that I listen to most of those songs regularly?
It says you get around.
Oh my gosh your play list had me laughing so hard! It’s a good one. Not sure if its healthy or not, but I drank a lot of vodka w/a few close friends;-) Time and doing things I enjoyed (running, reading, spending more time with my sister) took care of the rest.
Ugh The worst! I always worked out through breakups. It was the time when I could think clearly and process my thoughts. Keep working out till it becomes habit I guess. The cliche is still true…it takes time!
Ditto. Moving the body is the perfect way to feel better while moving on from a break up. The process will still be the same, you have just lost a part of your life, but you will feel SO much better if you move! You can be having the worst day, a day filled with tears and woe is me feelings. BUT don’t let that stop you from lacing up the running shoes and getting out there. I guarantee within minutes of being out there you will feel like a new person. And the beautiful thing? That feeling lasts for hours after. Run, walk, bike, do yoga, swim…doesn’t matter. Just move! Running is my thing. Been doing it 20 years (thanks to my parents love for running!) I’m so thankful for running everyday of my life. It didnt get me OVER a recent breakup, but it made it easier to put things in perspective. And that’s the key. Excercise give us clarity…and smiles.
I had dated a guy for 4 years, and we went to the gym on dates..serious. We went out besides that too. I was in my early twenties..totally in love with him…and evidently so was his WIFE! She had attempted to kill me a couple of different times. One time I was out running, and she ran me off of the road, and she barely missed me with her car. Yeah…that was the end of our relationship, I pressed charges, and stopped working out.
I didn’t work out again for about 10 years. Of course in that amount of time I had gained about 90 pounds. I was religious about going to the gym, but haven’t gotten back in control of the food/booze. I like them too much. Then I got preggo with two forms of b/c. That ended the gym. Now I am trying to get into running.
So nope..I have nothing to offer..geesh..what a tangent..feel free to delete this.
I’m not deleting it because I want more details.
hahaha…pretty much a train wreck 😉
Whoa, most riveting comment ever.
Wow, what a crazy story (slash wife)! I’m sorry, Lindy. I wish I had some amazing advice for you…
My boyfriend recently broke up with me after 11 years (we started dating at 14). Less than a month later he started dating an 18 year old. Now, I’m living in the Twilight Zone. Sometimes I get up and go to the gym just so that I feel like I’m working toward changing/doing something. I don’t really know what else to do. One thing I do know though, is that I’ll never feel worse after having gotten myself to workout, so I better run with that. Right?
Aly…I am so sorry. That has to be sooo hard! Almost half of your life with someone and then to treat you like that…UGH!
Can I say this..at least you are out of his grip. As someone who is looking in and not living it, I think you are meant for something much greater and better for you. It sounds like you have continued to grow and he hasn’t. (which is why he went backwards on the age thing)
The funniest thing happened after my son was born (as in he was 3 days old). This particular ex called me. Seriously..he tracked me down (must have gotten a private detective) and contacted me. Called me up..then V started crying..and he says “a baby?” hahahahahahahahhahaha..then he proceeded to ask for me back. Said, “Move back to NYC where the love is”. I can’t make this crap up. I told him no. I didn’t stay in contact, then when FB started up, I got an invite to be his friend. I looked at his profile and see his wife..OMG..are you kidding? No thank you. I told him I wasn’t interested, and he told me I needed to stop the “hate”. I told him, that I didn’t hate him, that I am protecting my son from his wife. I haven’t heard back from him.
I actually feel bad for his wife..I am sure he is playing her the way he played me.
Anyway…yes, don’t do what I did. Go to the gym, take care of you, show him what he lost out on. You will meet someone so much better, and you will be healthier in all aspects if you take care of you. ((hugs))
Lindy,
Thank you! Thank you for taking the time to respond, and what a thoughtful response that was. The effort you put into your response is more than that of most of my friends regarding my disaster of a life right now. It literally brought tears to my eyes. Thank you, Lindy.
As for the situation with your ex – how can he not even understand your being a responsible mother?! I’m sure you don’t need for me to point out that you are light years ahead and above him and that nonsense. You deserve far better, and to take care of yourself too. Do it for you and do it for your son. You have obviously made some good and responsible choices. You are obviously an empathic, caring, and intelligent person. Let yourself do something for YOU because you deserve it. Just keep making the next right choice, the next good decision and you will get where you want to go. Change is inevitable, nothing ever stays the same – I guess we should try to steer it the way we want to see it go…
Gratefully,
A.