Friday was a disaster…

Friday was a disaster… Really.
I started with a short bike ride (about 4 miles) and a short run (about 2.5 miles).
Breakfast was a Tbsp of PB, vanilla yogurt and 3/4c Flax Plus all mixed up. It was good, but I don’t know if I would have it again. I like PB to be more powerful a flavor and it kinda gets lost. Estimate: 300 calories

On the way to work I picked up some mango and black berries. I ate the container of blackberries and a couple pieces of mango. The mango was not ripe! Boo. What a waste. Estimate: 80Work had a wedding shower for one of the girls here. It was Hawaiian themed because that is where they are having their honeymoon. Here is part of the spread. It’s Lumpia, which appeared to be some tiny egg roll and Pancit Bijon, which was some noodle thing.
I made a big salad and brought my own TJ’s ff balsalmic and had one tiny egg roll and a taste of the noodles and potato salad. They also had fried chicken, but F that. I had stuff to make a healthy sandwich at my desk. Estimate: 250 calories
So I did. Since I mostly only had salad and knew that wasn’t going to fill me up. I made a alternative bagel with turkey, lettuce and a Laughing Cow cheese. Estimate: 200
I also had 4 woven wheat crackers. Estimate: 80 calories.
The cake was from a really good local bakery. I wanted to try it. So I had a piece, but as I was eating it I knew this was too many calories considering I had a Vita Top in the freezer at work, so half way through I ditched the cake and grabbed that. Estimate: 200
Here is the Vita Top goodness. I love these. Just heat them up in the micro for 35 seconds and they come out all gooey and delicious. Estimate: 100 calories
Apparently, I can’t get enough crap in my diet today. So, I had a mini Hershey’s bar. I don’t even really care for milk chocolate. I am a dark chocolate girl. What is my deal?!?!?! Estimate: 35 calories
On the way to Ben’s I had some trail mix. Estimate: 130 calories
I also had some fruit. I don’t know if I was actually hungry, or stressed or what. I was kind of flustered since I was late to get to Ben’s and we were trying to hurry and go camping after work. Estimate: 80
I was definetly stressed and figured I had already blown the day so, I had a little choc chip cookie. Estimate: 40 calories
I also bought these cinnamon sugar crisps from TJ’s. They are super good, but I didn’t need them. I was frustrated and felt out of control. Estimate: 200
We hiked for about an hour and a half. In the dark. Yes. Did I mention we forgot the flashlight? You try hiking uphill in the dark trying to use your cell phone for light. Let’s just say Ben is lucky I didn’t have a shank.

Finally, after the hike and tent set-up we had dinner in the dark. We ate by cell phone light. It was kind of romantic. But not really, since we were all sweaty and frustrated from the hike.
He had Pad Thai. I had a couple of big bites. Estimate: 100
I ordered Pad-See-Ewe, extra veggies with tofu. It probably would have been better fresh. We hiked these up with us, so they weren’t their best. But, we were tired and stuff so we didn’t care. I wasn’t even hungry as it was 9 o’clock at night. I ate way too much today. I still finished this crap off. Estimate: 700
Dessert was 3
chocolate chip cookies. I think Ben might have actually stole one from my hand now that I think about it… Estimate: 80 calories
Calorie estimate for today: 2575.
Lesson Learned:
– I don’t want to do this again. I used to have bad “binge” days like this pretty often in the past. It has been a really long time since I’ve done this. I don’t want to go down this restrict/binge cycle again. I have made great progress. I want to learn from this and make it 6 months with out doing this again. This was definetly a binge because I was not in control of what I was eating today. I could not stop myself.
– I was tired today. I was frustrated that I didn’t have time to do my long run. That makes me feel fat. When I feel fat, I eat like I’m fat – hence this bad constant eating day.
– I am stressed out. I am stressed about my current job and my future, and my living situation. It is overwhelming and it feels out of control. I have tried to control my life with food in the past.
– I do want to lose weight, but I want to do it in a healthy way. I want to be able to enjoy going out to eat with Ben, my friends and family. I need to eat healty when I am out, so I can have the best of both worlds : being social and feeling fit.

Sorry for the rant.

This is a process. I will get back on track now.