Hello! I am digging the heck out of the OC Marathon race tee! The back says “We Run The OC” and I like that it’s bright orange too!!
Speaking of the OC Marathon, I want to share some negative thoughts I had after the race.
First. I ran a marathon on Sunday. 26.2 miles. I am happy with my time. I am happy with my friends. I’m happy with living in Orange County (mostly). I am happy with my health. I’m a fairly good person. I was proud of myself!
Then, I saw this picture and in COMPARISON to my friends I look overweight.
Comparing yourself sucks.
I am pretty good about not comparing myself most of the time.
But I’m still a person who has doubts and insecurities… the reality of my lil world is:
- I am friends with some of the best runners and bloggers in the country!
- I’ve never looked like my friends (hello red hair in a Mexican neighborhood).
- I am a really strong runner and I do it because I like it, not to compete with anyone.
- My job as a blogger is to share my life and pictures and running – which puts my insecurities on display
- I write a blog where people compare themselves to me.
So really this post is just a little PSA that comparing yourself to someone else is not helpful 99% of the time. Use your own progress, past results, goals… to keep yourself accountable.
You, my little blog friend, shouldn’t compare yourself to celebs/that girl in front of you at Starbucks/me/your friends/Beyonce any more than I should compare myself to my friends.
You are so much more than how you look! Focus on being good at your job, good to your family & friends, helping someone, getting skills to make the world a better place. Pass it on!
Question: What is your BEST talent or quality?
Me: I pick up hitchhikers and help them by giving ‘em rides wherever they need to go.
Why do we always want to compare?
It drives me crazy.
We are all individuals with our own unique body shape.
Do we really want to look like someone else? (OK don’t answer that!)
Thank you so much for this post Monica. I find it difficult some days to realize how far I have come instead of trying to compare myself to someone at work/friends/celebrities/bloggers etc thinking I will never look that way. However, I have found your blog to be so inspiring. I, too, will never have a thigh gap or be tiny. I have a butt and thighs and I will rock them, it is learning to be comfortable and loving these aspects of yourself that will get you where you want to be. I am learning and reading your journey has been helping me along the way. I am hoping to run my first half marathon in september. Maybe a marathon one day, but for now I am focused on the half. Thank you for your inspiring and honest posts. you are a rockstar.
Thank you for this post. Comparison is my own worst enemy
I love this! Live been feeling a little down on myself lately so thanks for sharing this!
Congrats on the marathon and thank you for sharing this post! (You are also standing closest to the camera – which I NEVER do ;)) I think this is so true. I have written several posts about this and also about how I edit my pics. You reminded me of this post which I think is a good one to pull out of the archives: http://ericafinds.com/2012/09/vanity-versus-joy-a-running-photo-victory/
Even as a guy, I too have insecurities and find that I compare myself to others at times… It is definitely a trap to avoid falling into. Learning how to be happy, make small changes and meet your goals is key to being happy! 🙂
I think you look fit, fab and strong and like a runner but I totally get your message and appreciate you sharing it. Meanwhile, do you really pick up hitchhikers because NO!
I feel ya, girl. A lot of times, I think camera angles have a LOT to do with it! There’s this older lady that goes to a lot of races in my area. She’s there watching her husband, but she takes photos of all of the runners that she knows and posts them on Facebook. She usually posts late at night, and I will wake up in the morning and find the WORST photos of myself (tagged) and posted for all the world to see. I don’t think she takes unflattering photos on purpose, but it drives me nuts. I actually had to change my settings so that I can check photos before they go up.
I guess that’s a little off topic from your post, but what I’m trying to say is: sometimes my worst comparisons are made with/against myself. How crazy is that!!!????
Thank you for this! I honestly struggle with this all the time, yet I encourage my daughters, friends, everyone…not to compare themselves to others. It’s so much easier said than done…and it can really suck the joy right out of you when it happens. I love reading your blog and I think you look amazing! You be you 🙂
Hi Monica,
In this age where we fed constant images of perfection in magazines and on TV, it is difficult not to compare.
I find comparing myself to other women to think “I’m not as fat as her”, to make myself feel better in a selfish way.
It’s terrible I know.
I just started reading your blog and I love it! I agree with your thoughts on this……….I wear size small in clothes but yet I feel like I weigh or look bigger than those who wear the same size. (I gained 5 # when I started marathon training in 2013 and have kept it on……muscle I guess??) I struggle with how I look too, and I definately would rather be able to run a marathon than be unfit. But sometimes it is hard when you have friends or family who are natural toothpicks and can gorge on oreos without gaining an ounce! I always feel better about it after a hard run though!
Totally love your honesty as always. I remember meeting you and thinking damn she looks awesome…so yeah 🙂 But pretty much every time I’m around fast runners I think hmm I’m the chunky one here, then I go home and remember life is all good and I eat chocolate.
Great post! Just what we all need to be reminded of on a daily basis. Your blog is amazing and thanks for sharing your life.
I really hope you take your own advice with this. You don’t look at all fat in that picture.
Great post! It’s so hard NOT to compare yourself to people when everyone’s lives (friends, strangers, celebrities) are so in your face! Thanks social media 😉 Comparison can be good when you’re comparing yourself to the person you were yesterday, striving to be a better person today.
Thanks for this post, I’m relatively new to your blog and this really resonated with me! I think the comparison trap is WAY too easy to fall into, and I think it’s great that bloggers and health-leaders like yourself are opening up the discussion about it!
I think my best quality is empathy. I’m pretty good at always trying to see situations from different perspectives and think about where someone is coming from before making judgements.
Monica, you do not look fat at all, just because you are more muscular than those girls. The one problem I would have to say though is you worry about it so much that you contort yourself in pictures to try to be “smaller” and use your arm on your hip pose (which is not attractive), which just makes you stand out from everyone regardless of size. Just act normal because you are a normal size.
The reason I started following your blog is because of how you look!(I stayed around because you always made me laugh.) I was so excited to find a runner I could relate to. I love how you look “normal” and not some itsy bitsy runner. I will never look like the other two in the photo (I am not built that way) but I can look like Monica – awesome! I have the muscular butt and legs and that is a look you totally rock. Thank you for sharing your life and insecurities. You’re even more relatable to me now than that very first post I read. 🙂
Funny. I just realized my whole comment was comparing – the one thing the post was saying NOT to do. I guess I have somethings to work on…… Thanks for the reminder. 🙂
Great post! It’s so easy to fall into that comparison trap, so thank you for the reminder, and thank you for being open about your struggles. (For the record, when I saw you in that picture, I saw healthy and strong.)
As for my best talent or quality…. hmmm… I try to make it a point to be kind to everyone I come into contact with; I’m also great at burping on command.
Ahhh yes, comparisons. It still amazes me how much my self-esteem fluctuates when I am with certain people. Most times I feel great and fit and not too bad looking, but when I hang out with certain friends I find myself feeling much less all those things. I think I have a great network of people, though, who compliment one another and make everyone feel good about themselves. It is impossible to avoid all the time, though! I will tell you that my self-esteem has skyrocketed since college- too many good looking, thin people at my campus always made me feel worse about myself. Thankfully, the real world is not like the college bubble I was in!
Oops.. I forgot :$ hmm… Best quality is being caring. I hope 🙂
Thanks so much for this post. I really struggle with comparing myself to others too. I have a lot of nasty keloid scarring which makes me feel pretty down about myself and being soooo short I’m often unhappy with my figure.
I think you look great though and what your body can do is incredible too! I’m in awe of anyone who can run a marathon. Such a huge achievement. Love your blog 🙂
oh girlFRAN, thank you! i’m about to run my first marathon in about two weeks and no, i have not lost weight and yes, i have gotten WAY more fit. it’s such a weird balance to maintain and comprehend! your message is so positive and incredible!!! THANK YOU, again!!! keep in mind you’re comparing yourself to someone who called herself the skinny runner, not the fit, muscular runner ;-p i have endless admiration for all you do– keep on keepin’ on, mama! xo
Ironically, the last couple of days have been the same for me. This is just what I needed to hear today and ironic how perfect the timing is. Thanks for your awesome message!!
I think you look amazing, you have to remember that you are at a different angle as well as having different genes. Honestly, I know SR doesn’t blog any longer (which is sad) and I don’t know your other friend, so I say you win in entertaining! You are hysterical…and witty, and smart and awesome..need me to continue?
Funny thing is, when I saw that picture I was thinking about how great you looked and how I would love to rock spandex shorts with red headed Mexican swagger like you! <3
thanks Monica this was just what I needed to read. The comparison trap is a horrible road to no where, we are all different and those differences are what make us beautiful.
Great reminder Monica, I think everyone gets caught up in this from time to time, but since I can’t be serious for long….come to Michigan for a run, you’ll look skinny here compared to us :). Hooray Midwest!
Its so hard to not compare yourself to others! I always look at myself next to other people and have to remind myself that my journey is different than theirs.
Comparison pretty much always sucks, and even when we know that, it’s SO hard to avoid!
I love this! It’s amazing how you can come home from a run feeling awesome, and then look at the mirror and lose that great feeling! I run and lift and am healthy, but am not stick skinny. I have curves and muscles and some belly fat, and I’m trying to learn to be okay with all that! Thanks for sharing, and you look awesome!
Your friends are probably just super petite, because you look like a healthy weight. But yes, comparing yourself sucks. It’s hard not to when I look at all those fit Instagram ladies in the gym.
It’s ssooo hard in the blogging world not to compare. I fall into the trap a lot myself.
side note: K and S are two of the tiniest people I know, you are of normal size, they are just really really small!
I have gone through the exact same process of seeing the image feeling those feelings and then pushing out of it to remind myself never to compare. I sometimes post pics on my blog where I feel ” I wish I had a better shot of me crossing the finish line” because marathon foto made me look so chunky and then I realize how silly that sounds. I am crossing the finish line of a marathon! That’s the point. 🙂
Oh man, photos are tricky. I fall into that trap too. I’m pretty sure if you put the you in the first photo in the second, the comparison would be different.
Case in point: I’ll take a picture pre-race and think I look good. Then, I’ll see the race photos and be like… what was I thinking? Same day, different angles.
You do you, lady. You is awesome!
This is SO true! I am hyper-competitive (not only with running, but everything!) and do this way too much. I blame it on having 5 siblings and being a middle child. I dunno. But it is definitely something I need to work on!
I do this all the time even though I know it’s stupid.
I think running is ironically the one thing that taught me to stop comparing myself to others. You can’t tell just by looking at someone how fast or strong she is. You also cannot assess how hardworking, kind, and intelligent someone is on looks alone. I think all three of you look fit and beautiful, by the way. And I love your outfit too!
Oh Monica! How I wish I could give you a big old hug – of course followed by a margarita. I can see how you feel that way. I easily get caught in that trap too. You are a strong and amazing woman. So powerful and confident! I wanna be like you when I grow up…
Thanks for ‘keeping it real’ It is so difficult to do. I follow a few different bloggers, and it is hard to see the super skinny/ fit ones being perfect all the time. You are more real to me than they will ever be. Thanks for sharing your life – all parts of it good and bad.
I can relate to this, thank you for sharing! I ran the OC half on Sunday, and PR’ed. I was so thrilled! Then I saw the race photos and started comparing myself and my time to friends who run faster, and it’s a downward spiral. Anyway, thanks for being real, I love your blog. Congrats on a great race!
Monica! While you are completely right that comparing ourselves to others will only lead to unhappiness, I must say that I wholeheartedly disagree that you look overweight in comparison to the other 2 ladies in your pic. You look entirely proportional to them. You are significantly taller than they are, and I do think you are closer to the camera. That thought would never have crossed my mind. You look wonderful!
First of all, it was great to see you again on Sunday! I was hoping to run into you. 🙂
Great post, Monica! I know I’m guy, but I, too, have a lot insecurities. I try not to compare myself to others but I can’t help it. I’m shorter, slower, stockier than a lot of runners I see. But in the end, I remember to be happy with me. Our community comes in all shapes, sizes, and paces. I look forward to the next time we get to bump into each other… which should happen more often since we both live in OC, right?! 🙂
definitely glad you posted this today — hit home for me. thx for sharing about focusing on your strengths and being more than what you look like. my greatest talent? people. i love people. i get people.
Monica, as the mother of a teenager with an eating and exercise disorder, I can tell you that YOU are the picture of who I would like her to try to live like. You are so fit and allow yourself to eat normal food and YOU are role modeling healthy behavior for the teen girls who read running blogs. I appreciate YOU!!!!! People who over do and under eat and share that on the internet are risking encouraging young impressionable athletes every single day. You should go to sleep at night knowing that you are helping young athletes by the way you don’t do things to extreme. (PS. I have never left a comment on any blog before….but this just touches so close to home for me)
Comparisons suck. I’m an average size (whatever that is) person and my best friend is a very tiny person. Pictures of us next to each other make me look giant. But when I see the pics and think I look giant, she looks at the same photo and thinks she has a big butt and wishes she had my boobs. We all have our insecurities, regardless of what we look like! Thanks for the reminder that we’re not alone when thinking those things!
You look great and healthy. Please don’t compare yourself to someone who runs 3 marathons in less than 3 weeks while injured.
You don’t look fat at all! In fact, I’ve noticed in some of your other posts recently that you’re looking great! But I understand what you mean. I recently started a training program at a local cycling studio to become an instructor. There’s 6 of us in the program and I’m the oldest and newest to cycling. They all are so much better at me, but this is a good reminder that I got into the program for other reasons and the endurance/skill will come in time. Patience!
better than me**
ugh totally get that. I am in great shape, possibly close to best shape of my life…. and my friends are all these twigs and muscles running 5 minutes miles. If I can run a 9 minute mile i’m SO pumped. I feel like a total fat ass around them all! In reality, I’m pretty fit.
My best talent is singing, i think. I got the part of Ariel at DisneyWorld, but am too short and have too many tattoos hahaha.
Best quality is my compassion. I am very sarcastic, but I am beyond helpful and love to care for people.
Sometimes I think it’s good to compare – keeps us on our toes – but loathing for what you don’t have or what others do have (including their bodies, faces, hair, etc) is not what life should be about. I do struggle with this though – I have always been “bigger” than ALL of my friends my entire life (tall gal here :)) I think you look amazing and strong and very healthy in that photo. Great post!!
Before I clicked to read this post, I assumed it was going to be you posting pictures of yourself next to very small things. Like children or tinkerbell or lean chicken breasts… Future post ideas, just think about it 😉
Jen @ Quarter Life QB:
Your comment is hilarious. Perhaps we can recreate your idea this fall at the MCM?! Looking forward to training with you!
Girl, you look good. but don’t we all do that when we see ourselves in group pictures?? Trust me, you’re the only person who had that thought when they saw that picture. Anyway, stop picking up hitchhikers. LOL!
thanks for posting this today – something very similar happened to me a few weeks ago and it destroyed my self-esteem for days! i have got to figure out how to get beyond that stuff – reminders like this help. (p.s. for what it’s worth – i totally did not interpret that picture the same way you did at all. i just thought you all 3 looked strong, healthy and happy! a friend reminded me last week that we are oftentimes very much our own worst critics!!)
FYI you TOTALLY look fabulous in those pics. 🙂 But I totally get it. We all tend to compare ourselves to others especially when it comes to fitness I think. We all just need to accept that we’re all different in our own fabulous way. 🙂
Reading this post made me laugh and think of my wedding! It’s all about angles, and I thought I looked like a monster next to my MOH (I am 5’10 and she’s 5’0) and was wondering if I should even put her next to me. Then I remembered that I am pretty ok with what I look like and that she is my bff and I wanted her next to me on the big day. I think you look great and run great keep going!
Excellent post!! Comparisons suck but are real….yup, I am very guilty of it too but finally at 46 I am accepting how I look, how I feel best and I am not “not going” to drink that beer or margarita because it has more calories than water…..In fact, I will probably drink 2 or more….ha!
Best quality (and worst) ~ I am good at telling others what needs to be done. 😉 Aka ~ if you are around me during work or at a function where things need to get done AND you aren’t doing anything …I WILL find something for you to do. Ask my kids. Bwahahahaha!
Great post Monica. I can relate! I’m 5’11 and often feel so giant next to my friends, especially when I look at pictures, even though I’m a healthy weight. This is a good reminder not to fall into that comparison trap.
Such a good point! We all come in different shapes and sizes. I am 5’10” and I am just bigger than most of my friends just due to body type.
Growing up I always thought I was the biggest person around because of my height (people also feel free to call young girls who are tall ‘big girls’ ugh! ). I now realize i was never ever overweight, i just had different bone structure than my friends who were 5’2″.
Comparing yourself to others is never the way to look at your own body! Thanks for this post.
My best talent or quality? I suppose I’m pretty creative?
You’re so right. And for further comparison, when I ran next to you for a little bit in the DL half last year, I felt like a damn giant. You’re awesome.
Oh! Question…umm….I can travel plan like a BOSS. I was born in the wrong time, because I would have made an outstanding travel agent.
Kudos to you for sharing that picture. I have to be honest and say I like people much better when they’re being real and today, you were very real. 🙂
Thank you for this.
I read your blog each day (and have since around the beginning). I love it- your sense of humor manages to crack me up at least once a day. Thank you for posting this. I have struggled with my weight, over-eating, and various eating disorders for years. This year, I have managed to get to a healthy weight through exercise (I ran a half marathon!) and picking out the best food for fuel or even having treats if I need it. This weekend I celebrated a friend’s bachelorette. I felt great in my cute little romper. But later… the pictures were out and I was still the fat one.
I have to wonder, am I really the fat one or is there something skewed with how I see myself?
This post made me take another look at these thoughts. I appreciate your positive message!
I still really struggle with the comparison trap, and just like other things I feel I compare unfavorably on, I think I’m the only one who struggles with comparing! It’s really nice to see someone open up about it.
I know this isn’t the message you were trying to make (I did understand your message and agree with you) but in that picture of you with your 2 friends I think you look like an Athlete in comparison to the other 2, and not fat at all.
I compare myself too much as well…everybody in the blog world is a faster/more motivated runner than me. But I am faster than I was 6 months ago, and I need to remember to be proud of that progress.
I’ve written a couple posts about this and it’s definitely an important point that I have to keep reminding myself of over and over. That quote is one of my two mantras I try and live by. It’s so true but so hard to do consistently!
Great message Monica. I’ve been seeing this alot on the blogesphere lately and I love it!
Wonderful post! This is especially important for the running community. It’s very easy to get caught up in time vs focusing on the accomplishment of the distance. Thanks for keeping it “real.”