When I squeeze my butt I have cellulite. It’s not attractive. You can definitely see it through any of my yoga pants or exercise shorts (yes even the fancy brands). I’m self conscious about it. But I’ve had a big butt since I was probably 12 years old. I had cellulite in high school. This isn’t a like a new thing for my body. It’s a part of me… a jiggly, dimply, less than favorite part of me.
I’ve spent more time than I’d care to admit staring at it in the mirror. Figuring out how to move so that it showed as little as possible. How to stand so I looked the thinnest from behind. Debating the fact that if I squeezed my butt it looks perky, but it also shows my cellulite – so what is better??!?!
This battle has been going on since I was in high school. It’s kinda sad when you think about it. The time I’ve spent staring the mirror disappointed and frustrated with my body instead of loving and cherishing it and thanking God for making me healthy and strong. I wish it wasn’t that way, but it was and sometimes still is…
I am self conscious of this (and a few other) areas of my body. So it presents this lil problem when it comes to exercise…
I feel best and exercise best when I’m in spandex. But spandex doesn’t hide my flaws (really it puts them on display). Which means…
WHAT IF EVERYONE IS LOOKING AT MY CELLULITE?!
I took a Body Bar class at the gym today. I like to stand near the front so I can see the instructor (I’m a visual learner so this helps me more than listening to cues) and I like to be able to check my form in the mirrors.
Standing near the front means there are plenty of people that get the lovely opportunity to look at my butt jiggle all over the place. I’d apologize, but it’s my butt and it’s my friend (now I’m talking about a part of my body in the third person, get help) so I will not apologize for it.
Yeah, maybe people are looking at my cellulite.
I mean yeah I’d prefer to have a perfect booty and I’m sure they would prefer to be standing behind J Lo in class, but this is where I am in the world and I’m going to live my life.
Worst case scenario is someone looks at me and talks shit later.
Again, WHO CARES?! Not me. I don’t care. Talk all day about my butt. It’s kinda funny, right?
The reality is – no one is doing that. I’m sure the ladies in class were worried about getting in a good workout and then getting to work on time or picking up their kids or running errands or… no one is worried about my butt except me.
So I continue to run and sometimes hit up a group fitness class in spandex because I’d rather avoid thigh chafing and let my big butt be on display than make myself uncomfortable for fear it looks bad. (For context though, this is also coming from the girl who has been walking in public with hand weights like a complete weirdo.)
The point is, I’m not perfect. No one is perfect. Some of my imperfections are highlighted because of what I wear and the hobbies I enjoy. But the focus should be on the positives of those hobbies and what my body is capable of, not my flaws.
If you have a pimple today or super huge or small boobs or a creepy laugh or something else that makes you self conscious… do your thing and don’t worry about it. Life is too short to miss out on something fun because of dumb reason.