This morning my cat asked to go outside again. He must have read the weather report and saw that today will be another gorgeous day in Southern California :)
I started my day with an easy 3 miler before my early class. I am determined to run across the Golden Gate bridge this weekend and want to take it easy before then
Breakfast is brought to you in part by Stonyfield Oikos. They sent me coupons for yogurt months ago and I finally got around to using them.
In the mix: hot pumpkin, cold yogurt, chia seeds, lots of my new favorite cereal and a dollop of cottage cheese.
Once outside I realized it was too nice to be stuck in the library right now. I decided to take a stroll to enjoy the outdoors and somehow ended up at Starbucks!
Well, since I’m here…
Last night I finished off the Dark Chocolate PB Cups. Do you know why I didn’t eat them all in one sitting?
Because I could if I wanted.
Because I DIDN’T tell myself, “I will eat these and then cut out sweets for the rest of the month” (or another, similar pre-diet plan).
Because I knew it would make me feel like crap.
Because I don’t feel bad if I eat one or two and then try to dull the pain (or make it worse) with more and more candy.
I am still working on intuitive eating. Some days I eat 3 bowls of cereal while standing in the kitchen just because I’m tired or stressed or it tastes good. I make mistakes. I am not perfect. I am not an intuitive eater yet. But, I’m getting there.
Things like this, when I have a box of really really good candy in my house and don’t binge on it, show you that when you have a “normal, healthy” relationship with food…when you realize that treats are good…and feeling good is important too… when you believe it is possible to eat dessert without guilt, without getting fat and without having to start a diet tomorrow…prove there can be a healthy balance with some work
I think the hardest part for me is that I didn’t realize “intuitive eating” takes so much work if you’re coming from a place of disordered eating patterns. I thought “intuitive” meant it was simple.
I just have to listen to my body, right? That should be easy.
Well, it’s not. At least it’s not easy if you’ve silenced your body’s voice for years. I don’t know my hungry voice from my tired voice from my stressed voice from my lonely voice.
The work part is different for everyone.
For me the work is:
figuring out how often to have dessert so I don’t feel deprived – but not using that as an excuse to over do it either
learning that my hunger is usually in my head for a long time before my stomach feels it.
realizing that I’m
a bitch unpleasant when I’m hungry.
but I’m unpleasant when I’m too full too.
accepting that I like to eat, I like food and always have, and learning how to appreciate food and savor it instead of constantly struggling with this inner battle of loving food versus wanting to lose weight.
On another note, I didn’t realize that in other parts of the world outdoor seating is NOT a year ‘round thing. I appreciate California so much more having lived in Maryland for a year. I can still remember my disbelief when I heard the gelato store closes for “the season”.