This morning my cat asked to go outside again. He must have read the weather report and saw that today will be another gorgeous day in Southern California 🙂 
I started my day with an easy 3 miler before my early class. I am determined to run across the Golden Gate bridge this weekend and want to take it easy before then 🙂
Breakfast is brought to you in part by Stonyfield Oikos. They sent me coupons for yogurt months ago and I finally got around to using them.
In the mix: hot pumpkin, cold yogurt, chia seeds, lots of my new favorite cereal and a dollop of cottage cheese.
After class I went to the library. But, I got a call from my peep Susan and quickly scooted outside to talk. 
Once outside I realized it was too nice to be stuck in the library right now. I decided to take a stroll to enjoy the outdoors and somehow ended up at Starbucks!
Well, since I’m here…
Last night I finished off the Dark Chocolate PB Cups. Do you know why I didn’t eat them all in one sitting?
Because I could if I wanted.
Because I DIDN’T tell myself, “I will eat these and then cut out sweets for the rest of the month” (or another, similar pre-diet plan).
Because I knew it would make me feel like crap.
Because I don’t feel bad if I eat one or two and then try to dull the pain (or make it worse) with more and more candy.
I am still working on intuitive eating. Some days I eat 3 bowls of cereal while standing in the kitchen just because I’m tired or stressed or it tastes good. I make mistakes. I am not perfect. I am not an intuitive eater yet. But, I’m getting there.
Things like this, when I have a box of really really good candy in my house and don’t binge on it, show you that when you have a “normal, healthy” relationship with food…when you realize that treats are good…and feeling good is important too… when you believe it is possible to eat dessert without guilt, without getting fat and without having to start a diet tomorrow…prove there can be a healthy balance with some work 🙂
I think the hardest part for me is that I didn’t realize “intuitive eating” takes so much work if you’re coming from a place of disordered eating patterns. I thought “intuitive” meant it was simple.
I just have to listen to my body, right? That should be easy.
Well, it’s not. At least it’s not easy if you’ve silenced your body’s voice for years. I don’t know my hungry voice from my tired voice from my stressed voice from my lonely voice.
The work part is different for everyone.
For me the work is:
figuring out how often to have dessert so I don’t feel deprived – but not using that as an excuse to over do it either
learning that my hunger is usually in my head for a long time before my stomach feels it.
realizing that I’m a bitch unpleasant when I’m hungry.
but I’m unpleasant when I’m too full too.
accepting that I like to eat, I like food and always have, and learning how to appreciate food and savor it instead of constantly struggling with this inner battle of loving food versus wanting to lose weight.
On another note, I didn’t realize that in other parts of the world outdoor seating is NOT a year ‘round thing. I appreciate California so much more having lived in Maryland for a year. I can still remember my disbelief when I heard the gelato store closes for “the season”.
I know the seasons are cool and all, but this doesn’t suck 🙂 
Question: Can everyone please try and convince my friend Susan to run the LV half with me? I need back up. 
I’ve been poking around your blog (love it!), and this intuitive eating concept (and the book, which I must read) is really, truly inspiring and ringing true to what I’ve been dedicated to recently. I’d been putting off getting into shape and loving my body with self-care because I thought the only way to do it was deprivation and shaming myself. My recent venture is unconditional permission and forgiveness off myself. It is so freeing!
🙂
I really appreciate you being so honest about your struggles with intuitive eating. I struggle with this too and it’s so great to hear about your successes also!
THANK YOU! you’re so honest about your struggles and I really love reading your own personal little victories. I have them too once in a while and when I write them down, it makes me feel like they’re more real. Reading your progress is really stimulating. I’ve been in therapy for years for BED/compensating and have been binge free for a while now BUT the urge to eat crap and lots of it too, hasn’t resided yet… I hope someday it will, for you and me both, girl!
I want to do Vegas soooo badly!! I couldn’t even imagine how fun (and how fun partying afterwards???) would be. Unfortunately I’m trying to take it easy for a bit now due to knee and ankle pain. Sounds fun though.
Great post.
Thank you for your post today! I have struggles for so many years now….scale goes up scale goes down….using food for all the wrong reasons. Anyways this post hit home with me. thank you again!
Its all about balance for me too. And being reasonable about things like eating one brownie instead of five and not throwing in the towel if I eat 3.
So true! Listening to your body is damn hard, especially when you spent so long telling it one thing. Keep at it girl 🙂
Susan, you have to do Las Vegas. You get to run right down the strip. How cool is that? My wife and I are both doing the half this year. I understand that there are even a group of “Elvises” (Elvi?) that run. It will be a total blast.
Awesome post!! Intuitive eating really does sound like it should be easy but its not!! It takes a lot of work. Great job with the PB cups…. I have the exact same problem when I tell myself I will cut out sweets, I eat all of the candy within one mile of me. I love eating outside, that is one of my favorite things about Cali!
I’ve been doing the “Appetite Awareness” worksheets from Dr. Linda Craighead’s workbook and found it very eye-opening and helpful.
I am so jealous you live in a place you can enjoy eating outside year-round. In Alaska, it is hard to eat outside in the *summer* because it usually isn’t that warm–or it is raining. 🙁
I have similar food struggles with you. I have touched on it in my blog, but I think writing about it, similar to how you write, would be helpful.
It comes in waves for me. I have good weeks and bad weeks. But the worst is that when I feel as though I have slipped up I can’t stop myself from going to far.
I think it is good that we acknowledge these issues, as it is at least something we are conscious of. I just hope I can get back in control because I am also trying to drop some lbs to get faster for my next 1/2 marathon.
It’s cool, I am not unpleasant when I’m hungry, I’m just a bitch! 😀
I keep considering coming to LV during the Rock N Roll half because I have a few friends and blog-friends running it. I hope you can convince Susan!
Are you talking about the Las Vegas Rock ‘n’ Roll half in December? I’m running that as part of Team Challenge! I live in Minnesota, so it’s going to be a nice little break from the cold.
Vegas, baby!! Fireworks and neon, showgirls, running down the strip with hundreds of Elvii, a Cher impersonator singing the national anthem!!! How could anyone pass up that much awesome??
Sorry, I’m kinda worked up about it because it’s going to be my first half marathon, and it’s going to ROCK. 🙂
I was thinking of doing the Las Vegas Half marathon too…but I have a fear of the new, and the time and the travel time from LA to Las Vegas -.-“”
As for intuitive eating…I try to as well..but it apparently doesn’t work too well for me right now as my stomach to brain connection are WAY off. XP as in my stomach never says feed me. Just my brain..
I loved this blog entry. After a hard binge last night, I needed to read something like this. I think that all of us with food issues sometimes strive to be perfect, but eating is never perfect. There is no such thing as a “perfect day of eating”.. something I am still learning to accept.
But anyways, thanks for this 🙂
You’re welcome.
There is no perfect plan, just do the best you can 🙂
Amen, I think.
I’ll take you’re non-committal Amen 🙂
I am getting better at intuitive eating too, but it is definitely a process! Sounds like such a simple concept…but actually putting it into practice is hard!
Running the bridge is pretty amazing-esp if it’s a clear day! The bridge itself isn’t bad, but the hill getting up to it kinda sucks..
LV as in vegas? Susan, how can you say no to vegas?!
I’m here to provide serious support in getting your friend to do the half with you. Just do it!!! You’ll feel sad on race day if you don’t when you had the opportunity!!
Thanks!
That’s so cool you’re going to run across the Golden Gate bridge! Talk about an amazing achievement. Good luck!