Last Christmas I was alone. Surprisingly, I handled it very well – maybe because I was numb at that point? (Maybe because I’m braver than I realize.)
Ben and I were spending some time apart (for lack of a better term). In October he moved across the country. We were still talking, we were considering trying to work it out… but he wavered between wanting a divorce and not being sure – so I was devastated.
By December I was in some sort of denial, confusion, sadness state of mind…
I don’t remember exactly how I felt Christmas day, but I wasn’t really in the holiday spirit as much as usual last year.
I didn’t put up one single decoration. I didn’t put up a tree (and I collect Christmas tree ornaments from my travels!).
I didn’t ask Santa for anything. But, I tried my best to enjoy the traditions with my family and did some special cooking. I didn’t want to ruin my own holiday.
Yes, I did turn down a lot of social events while I was going through everything with Ben. Sometimes I just wanted to be alone.
But there were also times (like Christmas day) where I rallied, got ready and stayed in the moment with my people.
I’m writing all this to connect with anyone who is going through a hard time right now.
Grief for any reason – loss, death, heart-break or some other reason – really sucks. And the holidays can sometimes make the sadness louder.
If you are struggling right now – I’m reaching out to you. You’re not alone. And we can share the burden a little bit to lighten the load.
You can be sad, mad, lonely, depressed, confused, heart-broken… but I want you to know – you are not alone.
You can acknowledge that you’re in the middle of a hard chapter in life and still enjoy a few drinks with friends or a party or dinner with your family.
You don’t have to be sad every single second of the day (you also aren’t expected to be ecstatic every second either).
You deserve to let your heart be light – even when you have heavy problems.
If you are going through something crappy right now in your life, I’m sorry. I am here to promise time heals all.
Prayer helps. Friends and family help. Sometimes wine helps too. But don’t get too crazy with it. I’m your friend but I’m not signing on to be your AA sponsor.
Ha! I can’t do this whole post without making a joke!!
Despite whatever is going on, despite whoever is calling or not calling you, despite the things in your heart and your mind right now – you deserve to end this year loving yourself and doing kind things for yourself.
Anyone who really cares about you would want you to be happy or at least enjoy yourself during the holidays.
Make some happy memories! Or at least give yourself the gift of a day off from sadness or grief. I’ll ask Santa to send you a BIG package of happy thoughts and a peaceful heart.
Make it a good one.