Happy Valentine’s Day!! I really love February 14th because it’s my mom’s birthday. She is the best. I’m very very lucky to have her (Hi mom!). But I’d love Valentine’s Day even without that bonus because I am a fan of any day that celebrates chocolate. (Plus all the holiday candy will be on super sale tomorrow!!)
Valentine’s Day is about love (and chocolate, never forget the chocolate part). Whether you are in a relationship or not you should love yourself. It’s good for you. And it’s good for the people around you.
So even though this holiday seems to focus on relationships, make it about love and show yourself and the people around you some love by loving yourself a little more.
To get real here… it’s been hard for me to love myself. It has been a long journey to self-acceptance and even just liking myself. In the past, I thought I would love myself when I lost weight, saved money, felt pretty, was more social, got more followers, or found someone who loved me. One day, I stumbled upon a popular article about เว็บพนัน ใหญ่ ที่สุดในโลก and how it provided a sense of community and connection for many. This made me realize that self-love isn’t about external achievements but about finding joy and value in the present moment. So, I started volunteering more and focusing on my passions.
My love to myself was conditional. Sometimes I was willing to like myself or barely tolerate myself – but I thought I’d love myself when I finally hit random goals.
That sucks. I can’t imagine being in a relationship with someone who said, “I like you, but I’d love you if you lost 10 pounds.”
I would never tell someone, “I like you, but I’d love you if you got a promotion.”
And while healthy boundaries in relationships are important = you should not be with someone if they are abusive or make you feel like crap…
You are stuck with YOU.
So, if you have a negative inner dialogue you are stuck in that crappy, unhealthy relationship in your head. And that doesn’t help anyone.
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If you refuse to love yourself (or work toward loving yourself) you are not giving your family, friends, passions the best version of you. If your friends spend all their time helping boost up your self esteem – you’re not helping them with their problems. If you don’t love yourself it’s hard to give your best, strongest, most confident effort to your family, hobbies and work.
You can do more for the world and the people you love when you are a strong, happy person that loves yourself. Ironically, it’s unselfish to love yourself because when you are in a good, well-adjusted mindset you are the BEST version of YOU and you can use your talents to contribute to the world.
So, we all agree we gotta love ourselves even if it’s kind of uncomfortable and Regina George might make us feel dumb, right? Right.
Now – let’s do it…
Ideas on how to love yourself:
1. Act like you love yourself.
Do something positive that makes you feel smart, healthy, confident or just good in general.
Find a hobby or outlet that uses your talents or passions. It doesn’t have to be exercise or giving back to society – it can be 100% just fun for you.
ideas: Take a dance class. Paint a picture of your cat. Go to karaoke. Read a good book. Learn to make sushi. Roll around on the ground with your dog.
Do something that makes you happy. Happiness is good for you and it’s a good place to start. Then, thank yourself for being nice and just doing something you enjoy.
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2. Talk like you love yourself.
This might be filed under ‘fake it till you make it’ if you have a negative body image or a history of negative self talk.
Make every thought you say to yourself – whether it’s about yourself or someone else – is kind. Don’t criticize. Don’t be nasty or mean. If you always think bad thoughts about your thighs or how you suck at yoga – stop. Replace it with a caring thought.
How to swap negative talk for loving talk:
instead of – ‘Ugh you can see all my cellulite in these running shorts’
*Note: Um, full disclosure this is a real problem I have. It’s something I’ve said to myself a lot in the past.
swap it – ‘I am grateful I can run so far. I might not have the typical runner’s body, but I can run with this one!’
*Note: You don’t have to say ‘I am a gorgeous supermodel’ – especially if that feels patronizing or untrue. Just focus on the positive. Name the reasons you should love yourself.
This isn’t about debating whether or not something you think is true – do that in therapy. This is about refocusing on something positive and loving about yourself.
instead of – ‘I can never keep up in spinning class, I look like an out of shape slacker’
swap it – ‘I’m happy I made it to spinning again – that’s 4 weeks in a row! It’s not easy to get there after a long day…’
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Truth time – I have read negative comments the blog and social media about how I look and not only believed them, but carried them with me for years. Sometimes they still pop up when I’m not in a great place. How is that helpful to me living a happy life, being a good example to others or giving me confidence to go after my goals? It doesn’t. So I have to work at replacing negative ideas with positive ones.
3. Eat like you love yourself.
Fuel your body with healthy, delicious food. This isn’t about your weight or whether or not you have food issues (again, therapy if needed).
This is about loving yourself. If you are taking care of a puppy or little kid – you feed it when it’s hungry. You don’t give it so much that it gets sick. You want to provide it yummy, healthy food so he or she is happy and feels good.
Do that same act of love to yourself. Make time to eat. Make time to prepare or buy food that you enjoy and that makes you feel good.
These are all opportunities for you to practice kindness – to yourself. And being kind to yourself helps you love yourself and pass it on to the people around you. Lead by example. You never know who is watching. If you talk in a positive way about yourself it will help people around you feel like it’s okay to speak about themselves in a positive way.
Pass it on!
What a great post, with easy to follow tips. I think this is something that we all struggle with. With practice it really does get easier though, and we can teach these things to our daughters!
This is a super good post, Monica!! Love it and it’s all so true.
I am so fortunate to be in love with a man who loves me unconditionally, good, bad and ugly. He is truly the love of my life.
But I also have learned to love myself and I do know you have to start with you if you’re ever going to be able to give to others. Today – I worked out at the gym and did some strength training. Then this afternoon I went for a 4 mile run which is a long run for me. I feel good. Tired, but good.
spot on on item (1)!
This post is exactly what I needed. I could so relate to everything you wrote.
I love this post, Monica! We all need to be reminded of this. I took care of myself by cooking a healthy dinner- faux chicken Parmesan. And I ran four miles!
Thanks!
This is something I am definitely working on this year! Why is it so easy to say horrible things to and about ourselves.
One thing today- I got up even when I wanted to hit snooze to exercise 🙂
Haha, I love the suggestion to paint a picture of your cat 😉 My 9 year old and I love to watch funny cat videos on YouTube, does that count?!
One thing today, I got up and lifted weights! This really is an important topic, and truthfully how can we love someone else when we don’t even know how to love ourselves?
It’s what we are inside that counts. Too much Hollywood hype tends to make us think we have to look perfect on the outside. Looking good is nice, but it is not the only measure of goodness. Are you a nice person, kind to others, helpful? If so, you shouldn’t stress over other superficial flaws that you might have.
Loved this post Monica!! Hope you have a Valentine’s day full of love and joy.
I always want to control everything. So, today I decided to let it go. That’s whay I did for myself:)
i’m so sorry sad people wrote mean things to you on the internet 🙁 it seriously needs to stop! thank you for sharing these wonderful ideas with us. happy love day! <3
People who insult others on the internet are a special kind of insecure. You are holy gorgeous, lady! I’m 100% on board with this and the “fake it til you make it” approach has totally worked for me in the past! I think selfies also help to promote self love, however weird that sounds! Smile at your camera and snap a selfie! Happy <3 Day!
I adore this post, Monica!! I have been a regular reader of your blog for a couple of years, and I think this is probably my favorite post of yours that I’ve ever read. I am currently in school to become a therapist and since I have a lot of teenage girl clients, self esteem in therapy has kind of become my specialty. (Not to mention I am always working on my own self esteem!) I think you made some wonderful, spot on points, and I hope that your readers will really take this blog post to heart!
This is such a fab post! Thanks for all the many great reminders. Today I planned a Galentines happy hour with some of my single girlfriends rather than heading home alone after work and feeling blue, so I’m happy about that. Margaritas here I come! 🙂
Love this! I have a very bad habit of negative self talk and sometimes find it really difficult to turn my thoughts around into something positive. These are some great ideas and I’m definitely going to try using them. Thanks for posting 🙂
I have the flu so there’s lots of self tlc going on around here.
I love this post so much! I’ve been a long time follower (not usually one to comment because I’m lazy- except on giveaways… because giveaways). Anyway, I have so much respect for you running this sarcastic/real/inspiring/joyful running blog! I truly find so much joy in following. While I believe running breeds confidence and strength and self-love, it sucks that it can also do the opposite. That said, every runner needs to be reminded of this. Thank you for your words today and everyday.
Loved this! I’m currently working on loving myself like crazy, I love positive affirmations and complimenting myself or my outfits! Also, as I work to fix my disordered eating/food obsession, one of the things I try to do is nourishing my body with yummy foods that make me feel great! (Yesterday, I had 3 different carbs for lunch, THREE!!! So proud :D)
Happy Valentines Day!
Very important! It’s so sad how many woman and girls struggle with this. I think a lot of it is based on you thinking that other people are picking you apart, which they really really aren’t. I just remember when the last time I saw a woman or friend and thought something negative about the way they look / workout, etc (besides being a rude person)- it never happens!! I’m always thinking about how awesome, smart, beautiful, fit, hardworking, etc. my friends are. I learned the hard way (from being severely underweight) that being a PERSON is much more important than anything else you could obsess over and get in the way of your life.
I nourished my body with healthy meals today! 🙂 Oh, and what you said about loving yourself to love your loved ones is so true. I know my family and friends are happy when they see me happy.
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