Last Christmas I was alone. Surprisingly, I handled it very well – maybe because I was numb at that point? (Maybe because I’m braver than I realize.)
Ben and I were spending some time apart (for lack of a better term). In October he moved across the country. We were still talking, we were considering trying to work it out… but he wavered between wanting a divorce and not being sure – so I was devastated.
By December I was in some sort of denial, confusion, sadness state of mind…
I don’t remember exactly how I felt Christmas day, but I wasn’t really in the holiday spirit as much as usual last year.
I didn’t put up one single decoration. I didn’t put up a tree (and I collect Christmas tree ornaments from my travels!).
I didn’t ask Santa for anything. But, I tried my best to enjoy the traditions with my family and did some special cooking. I didn’t want to ruin my own holiday.
Yes, I did turn down a lot of social events while I was going through everything with Ben. Sometimes I just wanted to be alone.
But there were also times (like Christmas day) where I rallied, got ready and stayed in the moment with my people.
I’m writing all this to connect with anyone who is going through a hard time right now.
Grief for any reason – loss, death, heart-break or some other reason – really sucks. And the holidays can sometimes make the sadness louder.
If you are struggling right now – I’m reaching out to you. You’re not alone. And we can share the burden a little bit to lighten the load.
You can be sad, mad, lonely, depressed, confused, heart-broken… but I want you to know – you are not alone.
You can acknowledge that you’re in the middle of a hard chapter in life and still enjoy a few drinks with friends or a party or dinner with your family.
You don’t have to be sad every single second of the day (you also aren’t expected to be ecstatic every second either).
You deserve to let your heart be light – even when you have heavy problems.
If you are going through something crappy right now in your life, I’m sorry. I am here to promise time heals all.
Prayer helps. Friends and family help. Sometimes wine helps too. But don’t get too crazy with it. I’m your friend but I’m not signing on to be your AA sponsor.
Ha! I can’t do this whole post without making a joke!!
Despite whatever is going on, despite whoever is calling or not calling you, despite the things in your heart and your mind right now – you deserve to end this year loving yourself and doing kind things for yourself.
Anyone who really cares about you would want you to be happy or at least enjoy yourself during the holidays.
Make some happy memories! Or at least give yourself the gift of a day off from sadness or grief. I’ll ask Santa to send you a BIG package of happy thoughts and a peaceful heart.
Merry Christmas!
Make it a good one.
Be brave.
xoxo,
Monica
Thank you for this. I too needed to hear this. xx
This is perfect Monica! It’s so true when you are going through something sucky, “you don’t have to be sad every single second”. There are little moments of light in the dark and those can be savoured and they promise that there will be more and more of those moments of good. Love this post.
Thank you for this post. It means bunches to know there are others feeling less than stellar too.
You helped a lot of people with this one. I am not going through a sad time, but have before and come out with all of those things (family, prayer, friends). Excellent reminders that life marches on and there is light if you keep looking.
Wishing you love and light in the new year!
A week ago I found out for sure my husband and I can’t have kids. I am beyond sad and my family still doesn’t know but I have tried to stay positive. It’s tough when life just doesn’t go as its supposed to. Thank you for this post Monica. It’s a great reminder that things will get better with time.
I do know it gets better, but boy do the down times suck! I have been doing pretty well, but this holiday season has had me in a depressed state. I need to get out of it and back on track.
Thank You For this. Thank you.
It’s so weird you posted this; it’s like you were speaking directly to me even though we are strangers. My mom died 6 days ago so I know exactly of which you speak regarding the whole “not having the holiday spirit” thing. Sometimes, though, you make yourself go through the motions and it ends up feeling sort of OK anyway.
I never comment but I love your blog. You are hilarious!
I am so sorry about your mom. Sending prayers and love. <3
Monica, this is beautiful. I am a school counselor and I had the worst week with a bunch of my students this past week because Christmas was coming. I can’t begin to tell you all they go through, but it’s so sad. I’m glad you’re in a better place this year. Time does heal. <3
Nice post… I have gone through some tough patches this year and it’s good to know there is light at the end of the tunnel. Merry Christmas
Thank you. You have no idea how much I needed this tonight.
Couldn’t have come at a better time. A couple of days ago, I had a very unhappy ending to a year and a half thing (he wouldnt consider it a relationship). I know I’m better off, but it still hurts. Hopefully, the wine I’m about to start drinking will help…sometimes it goes the other way.
Hope your life is on a better path for you than it was last year.
Merry Christmas!!